a fat girl's prayer

"I have carried you since you were born; I have taken care of you from your birth. Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of you." (Isaiah 46:3-4)

dear God,

i'm oh so tired of living. today i watched the telly and all i see are slim pretty girls flaunting their fat-free selves. every alternate advertisement is about weight loss programmes, or products which miraculously shed the pounds from one's flabby waist. why does it seem like happy people are always the thin people?

one is not spared when they go out either. everywhere around me i see posters of diet pills and slimming programs promising "results". and then you flip the newspapers to read about that girl who nearly died because of slim 10. (so what if it was quite some time ago? the danger is still there.)

i'm so miserable even around my loved ones. my friends all call me hippo. my boyfriend says i look like a bouncer. even my mother calls me "ah pui kia"*.

i know You want us to love ourselves, God. but it's hard to when the capitalist system insists that slim is "in". i get so disillusioned now that the only thing i like about myself is my shadow at 0700 and 1700 hours, when she is tall, slim and of a perfect complexion.

oh Lord, if You do not want to make me slim, at least make my friends fat...

Amen.

*****

* ah pui kia - hokkien for fat girl

disclaimer: this entry is purely fictional and does not, in any way, reflect the attitudes of the writer's boyfriend, friends and mother. also, the writer was writing in jest towards the end of her "prayer" (she loves her friends). no fats were harmed (yet) in the production of this entry.

tags!

laughingcow made me feel loved. =)

So, what is the one spark in the midst of darkness? What is the one thing that made you smile today?

everyone lives life hoping to stand out of the crowd. you want to leave an impact on the world, have everyone talking about you even after you leave this world. think elvis presley.

even though i usually prefer to blend in and to go with the flow, something somewhere inside of me desires to achieve greater things. but such positivity is hard to attain when you're feeling depressed.

the spark came one good sunday when my pastor gave an altar call for full time ministry and i felt the push to go. and it was a pleasant surprise as my pastor and the invited speaker prayed.

i am not too sure what is to come but i know deep down in my heart the Lord has promised me that good and even great things are to come. and this spark in the darkness is something which will be pushing me on.

tag... hmm... i do not have many people to tag since i don't have many visitors. will just tag whoever i know visits: raymond, Zen|th... uhh...

and anyone else who wants to do this thing. lol.

dinnertime, everytime.

"those christians, they think they have tea with God everyday or something. who are they to tell us where we are going after death?" - many unbelievers

just for clarification, i do not have tea with God everyday.


rather...


i join the Trinity for a ten course gourmet meal everyday.
anyone interested to join us is welcome.

closing time

the structure of my posts on this blog is pretty much fixed. i comment on an issue and somehow link it to my religion.

this is not really one of them.

it is always my habit to write a post in official closure of a certain aspect of my life.

today marked the last day on the job: the last day for people to shout and verbally abuse me. the last day sitting at my place in fear that a cockroach will crawl over me while i try to do my work. the last day staring at that inane computer which is about as mad as the user herself.

and so, another chapter of the biography, marilyn's life (penned by the critically acclaimed author, Jehovah Ra-ah) closes.

it was a short chapter, but a truly memorable one. possibly for once, i lived in close proximity of a group of people and did not have to worry about bitching. there was no need for backstabbing, no need for politics. the only form of bitching you hear around the workplace is possibly against some brainless morons persistent people who managed to call through.

if there's one thing in life i dislike, it is goodbyes. it's a human feeling, i guess. we have always been resistant to change.

before the a levels, my lit teacher dedicated this song to us:
"closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

looking back fondly at a beginning's end, looking forward to the new beginning.

thank you, everyone, for braving through bitchy calls and hair-pulling experiences with me. you guys know who you are. =)

a day in church

enough of those preaching posts that kind of reads like a pauline letter wannabe. just for today, i'm going back to the basics and am going to blog about this day. i know, nobody really cares what happened to you. but hey, as i said before, this blog serves also as a record of my christian journey. and let's not go into the free speech thing yeah?

church is always fantastic. it is the reason why sundays become one of my favourite days because you know that you're going to experience something new. you know that you're going to receive a fresh revelation from God and it is always exciting.

today in baptismal classes, it was "the practical" of the entire series of classes. being an observer this time watching elder pearleen pray for others to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit gave me new insights to my newfound faith.

faith. how apt a word it is to describe a religion. for isn't it by faith that you believe in the reality of a supreme being? we live by faith, and not by sight. we do not see God but we know He exists.

as a bystander this time, i saw how others struggled to receive the baptism of the Spirit and it made me realise that to receive this baptism in the first place, a great amount of faith is required. if you do not want to believe, you cannot possibly receive. i'm not saying that the people who were being prayed for did not have faith. it is just that if you want to receive gifts from the Holy Spirit, faith becomes an important ingredient in the release of these manifestations.

another thing is that when you try to step out to pray for others, to speak boldly in the Spirit, satan will try to stop you.

it was quite spooky. a little voice simply told me "you want to pray for them? you want to help them? do not be silly! you are not worthy!"

in such circumstances, there is only one thing to do: recognise the enemy and fight back.

i am a sinner. i was imperfect in God's eyes. but by God's grace through the blood of Jesus Christ i am made whole again. i am washed clean by the blood of the Lamb and by God's grace i am worthy to be called a child of God. in Jesus's name, banish the enemy.

true enough, peace was restored to my heart.

i realise i am rambling. but points to be made here:
to those who think the gifts of the Holy Spirit are not of God, or are of demonic origin, do not be silly. why would God give us something that is not of Him?
second point: spiritual gifts such as speaking in tongues and the ability to differentiate between spirits are powerful weapons against satan. you recognise the enemy and you hit where it hurts most.

rambling aside, i think this post shall remain as it is as a reminder that i had a great day at church. and this is coming from someone who used to sleep through her masses in novena.

worldly pains

it's 7 minutes to midnight on a saturday. i have church and baptismal classes the next day but i cannot seem to get myself off the computer.

nothing really philosophical about this post today. i'm human and i need a place to vent.

i feel the weight of my own hypocrisy crushing me. i feel the drag of sin weighing me down. this should never be so. pastor tay always said "if the Son sets you free, you are free indeed." maybe i have not been seeking God as dilligently as i should. this feeling is definitely anything but liberty.

Lord give me strength to counter these negative feelings.

anyway i have lots of things to blog about.. but i'm not sure where to start. for one, i've finally enabled access to my profile and shamelessly put my photo up there. how's that for a first move in publicity for the blog?

lol i'm just kidding. better go off the bed before i fall asleep in tomorrow's sermon. =x

to speak to an operator, please press 0

working as a call center operator with the *undisclosed government board* is fairly interesting. one thing, you get to talk to people of different ethnicity and nationalities. you get to hear about the problems of the people, and grouse with them about suffering in singapore because you are suffering too. best of all, you sometimes get guys trying to pick you up if you sound sweet enough on the phone (nevermind if you actually look like an elephant. talk about an ego boost.)

i shall zoom in to the second point.

one of the two common complaints i always get from the fortunate people who manage to call through to my line is "your line very hard to get through leh! don't put me on hold!". (the other being complaints on how unfair the system is.)

in the words of some of my callers, our hotline is really hot.

what can i say since we cater to about 3 million singaporeans? i was just wondering what would happen if God had a call center operating in the fluffy clouds of Heaven.

"Good morning. Welcome to Heaven's hotline.
For English, press 1.
For Hebrew, press 2.
For Greek, press 3.
For Latin, press 4.
For other types of languages, please press 0 and enter your fax number. The language code list (40 pages) will be faxed to you."

*press: 1

"Thank you for calling Heaven's hotline.
To return to the previous menu, press 8. To return to main menu, press 9.

For enquiries on how to be a good Christian, press 1
For enquiries on the devil and sinning, press 2
For biblical assistance in times of trouble, press 3
To make requests for intercessory prayers, press 4
To check on your Christianity status, press 5
To speak with an archangel, press 6
To speak with an angel, press 7
To make an appointment or speak with the Holy Trinity, press 0
To end this call, press #"

*press 0

"Thank you for indicating your desire to commune with God. You are the 5864568248472182356th person in line. Your call is very important to us. Please hold."

"God is busy at the moment. Please leave a message after the tone and we will return your call shortly."

*beep*

"The mailbox you're trying to reach is full. Goodbye."

right.
well at least this is not reality in Heaven for we all have direct lines to God. thank God for prayers!

the one about the testimonial

friendster

friendster, in its heyday, was an online lifestyle all by itself. if you're plugged onto the internet, you've gotta have a friendster account. the only people who don't are internet dinosaurs do not have e-mail, and those who are aggressively against the idea of following a fad.

what if Jesus was on friendster? i mean, the Jesus who died on the cross 2000 years ago, not some man pretending to be God. what would your testimonial be for Christ?

here's mine:



of course, my story is not that simple. nobody can experience Christ and expect to summarize the entire thing into a 100 word testimonial. but i think you should get what i'm trying to say here, no?