the pride of life

a friend (W) and i were talking about a mutual friend who i recently deem as officially backslided. a few people in church have been asking me about her.

W: i think you irritated her, seriously.
M: what did i do?!
W: i assume you tried to get her back into church?
M: half-hearted attempts i guess.

half-hearted attempts because i am not confident in getting her back to church. i know her character and i know i am in no position to force her to do anything.

whenever we broach this topic i find this really ugly feeling rearing its head within me. maybe it's a form of bitterness towards my friend for treating God as one of her three-minute playthings. once she's bored with God, she throws Him outside the window and that's the end of the story.

maybe it's just me. so what am i supposed to do now when Scripture specifically tells us not to let any bitterness take root in our hearts?

J once told me that the reason why he backslided was because religion seems to be a conditional thing. it's like a i'll-go-to-church-if-You-do-this deal between him and God. so now he decides to depend on himself - if anything screws up, it's his fault; and if anything goes well, it's his effort. i wonder if that is the same case for my friend.

pride is a dangerous thing.

as i write this, my heart is breaking all over again.


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i lost my train of thought.

don't think i'll be writing anything relatively profound for the time being. that is, if any of my stuff has ever been profound.

i should stop being so harsh on myself.