my calling

today i made a total fool out of myself in lecture because i had an argument to make, but it came out horribly wrong. i rehearsed it several times in my head, perfecting everything, right down to the last word, to pitch my idea to my professor. yet when my prof indicated that i could speak, the thoughts somehow came out a jumbled mess. talk about incoherence. but then speaking was never really my strongest suit. i have always believed that one of my fortes is in writing, that i express myself best with words.

incoherence is my worst enemy and i'm seriously concerned now that it's creeping into my writing. chances are, i'm the only one who would understand what i write because my style assumes that everyone else knows what is going on in my (extremely messed up) head.

somehow, i fear i lost my aptitude for writing. maybe i'm just being a perfectionist, but i am never satisfied with the things i produce. i visit the blogs of some of my church mates and i somehow feel very ashamed of myself because the way these people write are evidently more superior.

i write best when i'm driven by passion. these days, however, i am too exhausted to feel passionate about anything. i just get by, praying that God will give me just enough strength to last through the day and bring me back to my bed at night.

let's just say i'm fed up. fed up of all these wonderful ideas swimming around in my head and my apparent inability to express them in a nice, coherent way. writing was my saving grace before, and there is no way i'm allowing anyone to steal this avenue of catharsis from me.

it's time i start bucking up, because i want to write for Him.

the peace that transcends all understanding

You are the peace that guards my heart
My help in times of need
You are the hope that leads me on
And brings me to my knees

For there I find You waiting
And there I find release
So with all my heart I'll worship
And unto You I sing

For You alone deserve all glory
For You alone deserve all praise
Father we worship and adore You
Father we long to see Your face

For You alone deserve all glory
For You alone deserve all praise
Father we love You
And we worship You this day.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:7

running after You

this coming sunday officially marks my second year of salvation. two years with bethesda cathedral and i am very surprised at the distance that i've come.

i was once a spiritual infant. i feel a little stronger in Christ now. i used to crawl like a toddler, feeding on spiritual milk (1 Peter 2:2), now i feel like i'm walking with Christ.

i look forward to the day when i can run with God.

here's to two years and more!

jet-setting

by the grace of God, my parents have allowed me to fly to korea for cm2007, and so i'll have my first overseas mission trip. on top of that, i've signed up for a local mission trip with crusade wherein we'll produce a evangelical film with crusade's media ministry.

God is good, all the time.

when i told a friend (you know who you are) about our evangelism trip to the rural villages of korea, he asked why didn't i choose a western country such as america or canada instead. my answer was:

1. western countries have more than enough missionaries to spread the gospel. the ones who really need us are our neighbours in asia.


2. it is too comfortable. a sacrifice is not a sacrifice unless it costs you something.


3. upon reflection, i suddenly realised that i *do* have a heart for the lost sheep in asia - a reason why i'll never consider western countries for mission trips. i would be aiming for thailand or cambodia... maybe next year when my parents can no longer use that "wait till you're 21 then we say" excuse on me.

anyway, 2007 would be a faith stretching year for me because there are alot of things i'm trusting God to do - raise the money required to pay for my mission trips, safety, language barriers, food and accommodation, and many other things that i may not have yet foreseen. it would be exactly half a year before the adventure *really* begins, but i feel like the adventure starts now.

right now, everything is going really really good. i'm still basking in the post-metamorphosis afterglow. hahaha.



2006 has been a fruitful year. i would not say it was a good year since it brought about some of the darkest moments in my christian walk, but it was eventful. in retrospect, i'm amazed at how much God has carried me through the little things in life.

2 years of salvation and i'm more in love with my Lord than ever, more thankful because of the doors He has opened for me, amazed because He chose to give me so many opportunities to serve and minister to people around me.

God is good, all the time. =D