why Jesus had to die for singaporeans

disclaimer: this post is just for laughs, a result of a little joke between a friend and i. other than the bibilical and historical references, this post is wholly fiction and is meant to make you laugh. it is not meant to disparage singaporeans. do sit back and i hope you enjoy this one.

i refer to the books of exodus - deutronomy

why Jesus had to die for singaporeans

1. because we cannot sacrifice animals in worship

• in the early years of its development, singapore cleared away most of her kampungs and farms and built hdb flats in its place. and it is illegal for us to rear lambs and goats in such areas, making it difficult for us to do animal sacrifices. so Jesus had to die so that we don't have to do it anymore.


• spca and many animal loving singaporeans will complain that christians ill treat innocent lambs and goats on top of every other reasons why a christian should be avoided at all cost.


• and neighbours will complain that our flats are always smelly.

2. because we cannot camp around a tabernacle

• imagine the tribes of tan, lim, ang, and other surnames pitching tent in the padang around the tabernacle that the book of leviticus was talking about. either the ura will be there to clear out the "slums", or we will be booked by police for illegal mass gatherings.


• we cannot worship in jail because the gahmen will keep us busy with courses to rehabilitate us into society ala "yellow ribbon" project.

3. because we do not have the levites to lead us in worship

• we only have the tribe of lee in charge of singapore..

4. because the desert is not a conducive place to fix singapore's declining birth rates

• 40,000 israelites wandering in the desert for 40 years dwindled to 2 that saw the promised land. after nearly 10 years of pro-baby policies, singapore's birth rate is still falling. 30 years later...

5. because we will stone overpaid charity directors

• for God's punishment for the really jialat cases of sin is to stone the person to death. with the outcry raised over a certain ceo of a certain kidney foundation, this poor bunch of people will probably be stoned by now.

6. because any public acts of worship is very leh-cheh

• first we have to get a license from mda for public performance, then maybe find the police for broadcast of music, and...


• it will cause ill-will amongst the other religious groups against us and might be deemed as "seditious".

and that, boys and girls, is why Jesus had to die for singapore.
it is not really done yet.. if anyone wants to contribute anything.. feel free to!

please read the disclaimer if you have anything against this post.