a tale of hate

sometimes i wonder what people who don't like me are thinking, when they make it clear to me that i am not in their good books.

maybe something along the lines of:

"oh no! x does not like me. i think i better go and die and make this world a better place because x does not like me. boo hoo hoo my life is over!"

it was true that once upon a time, i used to let what others thought of me control my actions and behaviour. and then one day my form teacher pulled me aside with well-intentioned advice: "you cannot please them all. do not run after them for it is not worth the effort."

and now, as i focus more and more on Christ, i realise how much lesser is the value of what others thought of me. especially if the person has no obvious reason to hate you. because at the end of the day, it is God who judges your actions, not man.

recently i've received some anonymous hatemail and even a hate site, and i am not sure why. this is the part that torments because you do not know who you've offended and why or what you have done to get such flak.

this brings to mind the biblical mantra of turning the left cheek when someone slaps you on the right.

i strongly believe that hatred takes up too much energy which could be otherwise channeled into something constructive. that is the basic principle i live by, and the reason why i do not troll blogs i don't like, or bother leaving comments on blogs that are not worth my time.

if you don't like it, don't read it. go somewhere else.

unfortunately some people do not see things the same way. just take a look at the number of anti-xiaxue sites and hate comments on her blog and you'll be astounded at the number of people who no time for anything but hatred. and that is only on the micro level.

now comes the hard part. how do you act "in love" towards someone who doesn't like you? when i shared this with my fellow crusader, she responded in the affirmative, saying that "it is the hardest thing to forgive someone who does not like you."

"I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow."
- William Blake "A Poison Tree"

i am determined not for the seed of the poison tree to grow. the spiral of hatred and vengeance should end and could end with a gentle approach of forgiveness.

Lord, i pray for the spirit to understand and to forgive those who trespassed against me, just like how You forgave and even died for those who persecuted You on the cross.