7km/h

moved. =)

2007-05-17T00:52:00.000+08:00

http://paper-roses.inthecrush.com/wordpress

frankly, it's getting a little tiring to toggle between livejournal and blogger, so everything will be consolidated there. after all, my walk with God should be my life.

don't worry 7km/h will still be around. =D

overloaded, sleepless night

2007-05-10T04:14:00.000+08:00

it's 4 a.m. and i'm still awake. mun just went offline after counselling me a bit over a few things that has happened in my life.

i was pretty bummed out because i keep feeling condemned and helpless at my inability to release my bitterness to God. granted, my friend in the aforementioned post disappointed greatly, but it's no excuse to harbour unforgiveness in my heart.

it feels like shit to have to keep on listening to lies from the devil. mun asked me to list out some of them and i realise i am being fed the weirdest of lies i have heard so far: that i cannot shut the devil up.

of course by myself i can't. but by the blood of Jesus, i can.

thanks mun. i said the prayer you typed for me and i feel more peace now than i ever felt in the past couple of months or so.

i'm feeling pretty much burnt out. the past couple of days have been spent in my gen12ii boot camp that is designed to prep us for our mission trip and getting some of the admin done. so much to the extent i nearly neglected the following:

outstanding stall!
flea market @ tampines ave 4
12-13 may
1600 - 2200h

come find us! we're selling cookies, clothes, accessories, stuffed toys and a whole lot of stuff at cheap prices. all proceeds go into funding the two mission trips that i'll be going for.

much love to the outstandings. i appreciate you guys.

the pride of life

2007-05-03T00:05:00.000+08:00

a friend (W) and i were talking about a mutual friend who i recently deem as officially backslided. a few people in church have been asking me about her.

W: i think you irritated her, seriously.
M: what did i do?!
W: i assume you tried to get her back into church?
M: half-hearted attempts i guess.

half-hearted attempts because i am not confident in getting her back to church. i know her character and i know i am in no position to force her to do anything.

whenever we broach this topic i find this really ugly feeling rearing its head within me. maybe it's a form of bitterness towards my friend for treating God as one of her three-minute playthings. once she's bored with God, she throws Him outside the window and that's the end of the story.

maybe it's just me. so what am i supposed to do now when Scripture specifically tells us not to let any bitterness take root in our hearts?

J once told me that the reason why he backslided was because religion seems to be a conditional thing. it's like a i'll-go-to-church-if-You-do-this deal between him and God. so now he decides to depend on himself - if anything screws up, it's his fault; and if anything goes well, it's his effort. i wonder if that is the same case for my friend.

pride is a dangerous thing.

as i write this, my heart is breaking all over again.

-----

i lost my train of thought.

don't think i'll be writing anything relatively profound for the time being. that is, if any of my stuff has ever been profound.

i should stop being so harsh on myself.

in pursuit of happyness

2007-05-01T01:35:00.000+08:00

i went out with a friend today and she asked me a question that stumped me:

why do some people lead such charmed lives while the rest of us can't be as happy?

while i have been thinking and reading up a little bit on contentment and happiness in the Lord, we are looking here at people who are without God in their lives and still are leading lives with little or no hiccups. perhaps God spent a little more time with these people or something.

so... any views?

maybe i'll write more on this later...

frankly, my dear

2007-04-29T00:50:00.000+08:00

i am testimony to dispute the belief that being christian means receiving the magical solution to the problems of this world.

you know that you're in too deep with a church when you start getting irritated by your fellow church mates. i was just sharing with the oikos about a certain emotional leech who has been trying to stick to me in church.

i admit, on my part i am not a particularly patient person when people seek my advice, subsequently reject it and continue whining about the same problems. when you abuse the listening ear i provide as a friend, you deprive yourself of that privilege.

i don't appreciate people unreasonably haggling for my attention when 24 hours a day is barely enough for me to settle the things i need to do. and i definitely have problems if someone starts saving my entire gallery of friendster photos for goodness knows what. and no, i don't think it's polite to interrupt the conversation to get my attention when i'm talking to my pastor about my missions project.

i am feeling extremely drained and very suffocated because it reminds me of the time when i was with my ex-boyfriend.

kat tells me not to take offense. i try not to. but sometimes, too much is too much.

this period is a rather sensitive period for me. i'm feeling the heat - maybe God is putting me through His refining fire, or i'm under spiritual attack - whatever it is, i am running on a really short fuse and i really would appreciate it if people around me would cut me some slack.

and while i understand that friends might be concerned, please refrain from contacting me unnecessarily. if i want prayer or anything, i'll ask. i'm really sorry but i do not have any patience to entertain anyone and i certainly do not want to have a reason to yell at people when their correspondence is well-intentioned.

the ride barely started and i'm drained and broke. maybe this is a sign that i am to fully depend on Him for strength.

as a postnote, i would just like to make a shoutout to my oikos. i have been really blessed by you guys and i thank God that He brought this group of wonderful friends into my life. thank you.

trusting God

2007-04-27T00:33:00.000+08:00

the exams are finally over at long last. this is one of the toughest semesters i have had so far, and i thank God it's over.

new challenges await for me this coming holidays: 2 mission trips and possibly catching up with friends and following up with a new christian friend i got to know over the meta camp.

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. 22If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." - Matthew 21:21-22

the task ahead looks daunting, especially the support raising i have to do for my mission trips. but i told God i'll trust Him, it's time to remind myself of this promise i made to Him.

theparablejourney blog was not, and will not be created in vain.

Jesus at the window

2007-04-20T22:18:00.000+08:00

Dear J,

You asked me about forgiveness. I hope this story would be a blessing to you.

- M

A little boy visited his grandparents on their farm. He was given a slingshot to play with in the woods. He practiced, but couldn’t hit the target.

Getting discouraged, he headed back to dinner. As he walked back, he saw Grandma’s pet duck. Out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head, and killed it. He was shocked and grieved. In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the woodpile, only to see his sister watching. Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.

After lunch that day Grandma said, “Sally, let’s wash the dishes.” But Sally said, “Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen.” Then she whispered to Johnny, “Remember the duck?”

So Johnny did the dishes. Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing. Grandma said, “I’m sorry but I need Sally to help make supper.”

Sally smiled and said, “Well that’s all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help.” She again whispered to Johnny, “Remember the duck?” So Sally went fishing, and Johnny stayed to help.

After several days of Johnny doing his chores, and Sally’s, he could stand it no longer. He went to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck. Grandma knelt beside Johnny and said, “I know: I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing. Because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you.”

Thought for the day: Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done that your conscience spirit won’t let you forget, (lying, debt, fear, hatred, anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, etc.), whatever it is, Jesus Christ was standing at the window and saw the whole thing. He wants you to know that you are forgiven. He wonders how long you will let the past make a slave of you.

Remember, God not only forgives you, He forgets.

Post taken from Kev's blog

respecting the sanctity

2007-04-08T16:58:00.000+08:00

i hate it when parents let their kids loose in the library. they will start talking loudly, whining, crying, screaming, running, God-knows-what. and it irritates me all the more because i was a librarian and have been taught to respect and keep the silence in the library.

similarly for the sanctuary. there are just some places where public displays of affection are totally not appropriate. call me legalist, but these people don't realise how much they are affecting the spiritual atmosphere by acting as if a sunday service is a pop concert or a movie theatre.

today i had double eyesores presented in front of me. one girl was hanging on to her boyfriend (husband?) like a baby koala hanging on its mother. a lady sitting behind them had to tell them that it's ministry time and they should stop hugging (thank God!). another guy further in front can't seem to keep his hands of his girlfriend (wife?) throughout the service. they were holding hands and waving them in the air even while worshipping. any non-believer might have thought he walked into some taiwanese singer's concert in the middle of a ballad or something.

we're talking people who are older than i am. i am appalled at the lack of common sense and respect shown by these people.

in other ridiculous soundbites,

"Christians believe that Jesus rose three days after His death, mocking His crucifixion" - channel newsasia

mocking? bad choice of words, cna.

this easter has turned out to be quite... ridiculous.

the Great Banquet

2007-04-04T23:56:00.000+08:00

The Parable of the Great Banquet

When one of those at the table with him heard this, he said to Jesus, "Blessed is the man who will eat at the feast in the kingdom of God."

Jesus replied: "A certain man was preparing a great banquet and invited many guests. At the time of the banquet he sent his servant to tell those who had been invited, 'Come, for everything is now ready.'

"But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said, 'I have just bought a field, and I must go and see it. Please excuse me.'

"Another said, 'I have just bought five yoke of oxen, and I'm on my way to try them out. Please excuse me.'

"Still another said, 'I just got married, so I can't come.'

"The servant came back and reported this to his master. Then the owner of the house became angry and ordered his servant, 'Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame.'

"'Sir,' the servant said, 'what you ordered has been done, but there is still room.'

"Then the master told his servant, 'Go out to the roads and country lanes and make them come in, so that my house will be full. I tell you, not one of those men who were invited will get a taste of my banquet.'"

- Luke 14:14-24

it's ok if they don't want to come. i'll just keep on praying and keep on trying.

forerunner

2007-04-02T23:04:00.000+08:00

i had this uncanny feeling that our guest speaker from yesterday would be talking about prayer... but what i did not expect was to catch a vision from what he said.

he tells us that "young people are at the front of every revival", he calls the young people "forerunners", maybe because we have the energy and the time to devote to God.

i felt very encouraged by what he told us. and there are signs that there will be a spiritual revival at least on my campus.

the crusade leaders were called together for a meeting today and tony shared about how our ministry has grown. indeed, i could still remember how we used to be able to squeeze into one small lecture theatre and everyone knew one another because we were that small a group. one year later, i see new faces and crusade has the rather good problem of finding venues big enough to accommodate us.

some things we see, we cannot deny that God is indeed working amongst us.

another thing pastor chee shared was the fact that over 100 campuses in america has intercessors covering the campus in prayer 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. it is a nice surprise and it is a very commendable effort. God knows how hard it is for me to even set up ONE prayer meeting for my school. =(

i wonder if God will use me greatly within the next two years... that's how little the time i have left on campus. i know God has placed me in a good position, with access to the support and resources that i might need to get something started. all that's left is to take the first step to initiate that breakthrough...

i want to be a forerunner. will God use me?

pseudo-gemeinschaft

2007-03-30T00:37:00.000+08:00

today was the last meeting for crusade before the ministry breaks for the exams. i left the place with a strange sense of emptiness.

at the end of each and every semester i entertain thoughts of giving up my crusade ministry. i always complain to God, "Father, i'm really really tired!" yet God says continue, and not to give up.

leading a discipleship group (dg) in crusade has been rewarding, but the exhaustion from having to attend THREE cells a week becomes very pronounced in the face of schoolwork, projects and egocentric professors pile the work as if you're only taking their module. the discipleship comm sent a feedback form and one of the questions in there was "why do you want to lead a group?" my initial reaction was you're kidding right?! that was the last thing i wanted to do!! -.-"

so i just told them "i was never interested in leading a group. i just felt God's calling so i stepped up."

i think i am probably their most unwilling dg leader, and yet, before i know it, one year of ministry has passed. i'll be taking on another year of leading a dg because God said to continue. i think i kind of understand how the prophet jeremiah felt about his ministry. kind of.

i was tired. i still am tired. i look back and realised that it was only by God's strength that i could juggle my crazy workload and commitments.

maybe i wrote this as a reminder for me to look to Jesus and not at my situation. if i want to walk on water, i should focus on Him and not look at the winds and waves.

--

* C: previously close friend, now backsliden
** J: a close friend, non-christian
*** M: a brother-in-Christ who's neither from crusade nor church

taming of the tongue

2007-03-28T20:47:00.000+08:00

i always fail not let the instant gratifications of the flesh take over, i always forget that the remorse and conviction of having had, for that brief moment, sinned against God simply overrules everything else.

"We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check."- James 3:2

"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth comes praise and cursing." - James 3:9

i am far from godly and am definitely undeserving of God's love. i have not lived a life that glorifies His name. i'm in the mood to snap at anyone who tells me that christians are holier-than-thou and on the moral high horses because i certainly do not feel this way. i am just that irritable these days. my prayer and quiet time is very badly affected and i don't even know why.

yet it is fact: He still loves me. ugly heart, sin-tainted appearance and all. He still calls me His beautiful child.

i want to cry it all out. i just want to make right with God again, to know that everything will be ok because my world seems to be falling apart. the tears just won't come.

in other thoughts, let's imagine if we were all called to be preachers or pastors. what would your preaching be like?

rachel and i were talking about the preaching styles of pastors and we note that they preach based on what God has done in their lives. new creation church emphasizes on grace because their pastor's life reflects so; city harvest's focus on giving makes them a blessed church because their members are blessed by giving. no? for my church, i think faith is one big characteristic of what pastor preaches because his life is built on his faith in God's promises.

so, the logic goes that we preach based on what God has done in our lives, what would be my message to the people around me? what would be your story to the people around you? what has God done in my life that i can shout about?

i know for sure God surely changed me a lot in the past two years, things that are worthy of praise. yet i found that i could not pick a single definitive thing to share on if i should be called to preach.

sigh...

without love

2007-03-21T17:51:00.000+08:00

the irony of this week is the fact that the word released was to not let any unwholesome talk out of my mouth, yet i said plenty of wrong things in my riled up state.

i guess while it's a good thing to be passionate for my own faith, God showed me that Jesus did not need peter to cut off the soldier's ear at the garden, neither does He want me to be His defender. He will defend, He will avenge.

i have reversed the roles in my own foolish pride. at least it's not too late to watch what i say.

"and if i give all i possess to the poor and the helpless, i'll still be nothing without love"

alabaster jar

2007-03-17T00:59:00.000+08:00

Alabaster Jar
Christ for the Nations Institute

This alabaster jar
is all I have of worth
I break it at Your feet, Lord
It's less than You deserve
You're far more beautiful
More precious than the oil
The sum of my desires
and the fullness of my joy!

[Pre-chorus]
Like You spilled Your blood,
I spill my heart
As an offering to my King

[Chorus]
Here I am, take me
As an offering
Here I am, giving every heartbeat
For Your glory take me

The time that I have left
is all I have of worth
I lay it at Your feet, Lord
It's less than You deserve
And though I've little strength
And though my days are few,
You gave Your life for me
So, I will live my life for You

Worthy, Worthy
You are worthy
Worthy is the Lord

song can be downloaded from my multiply site.

we call it faith.

2007-03-12T01:52:00.000+08:00

i publish this post with much fear and trepidation.

there was a few things that the guest speaker for yesterday's service that i did not quite agree with, there were things he said that i could refute with verses from the bible. (they were minor points.)

maybe he's being too radical and his style is a deviance from what i'm used to. maybe i'm just irritated at him for making me delay my lunch by one hour. maybe i'm just nitpicking because i have an initial bias against him.

i have no idea what the truth is now.

i see people accepting what he says, hook, line and sinker; and i start thinking about blind faith. where do we draw the line when it comes to the Word of God?

realise that this problem would not exist if the supernatural realm is something understood by the human mind, something that science could explain and rationalise. it is fact that God is beyond science (even though science is starting to prove the existence of a God) and the bible tells us that His wisdom is beyond the wisest of men.

faith is blind to some extent. we believe in something that we have not yet seen and God likes it. "blessed are those who have not seen, and yet believed", no? yet i do think there is a delicate balance between faith and mindlessly lapping up the words
of a man recognised to be annointed by God.

after all, humans can make mistakes.

my education is starting to bear fruit. i am increasingly becoming a critical (to the extent of cynical) consumer of even my own faith.

dear me,

2007-03-07T22:52:00.000+08:00

because i have to revise for a quiz tomorrow i shall just make a quick entry about a verse to remind myself of something i need to do.

"And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will." - 2 Timothy 2:24-26

i feel bad about doing the things that i shouldn't be doing, and neglecting the things i am supposed to be doing. i have said things that i should not have said, and the things i should have said remains in my heart.

some things need to change. i need a constant reminder for myself to watch my words and actions.

dear Lord, don't let me fall out of love with You.

kid no more

2007-03-06T10:53:00.000+08:00

i filled up a survey form today. they asked me for my age.
i wrote a 2. paused. then i scratched a straight line down.

21.

"dear Lord, this is the day the law officially recognises me as an adult, and i dedicate this special day to You, my Creator. i celebrate this day because it reminds me of how i'm fearfully and wonderfully made in Your image. take me, break me and mould me into the woman You want me to be.

thank You for the wonderful people that You have put around me who share in my joy. thank You for coming into my life.

in the mighty Name of Jesus, i pray, AMEN."

i've been saying it since the start and i'll say it again. i'm very blessed. =D hahaha!!!

when He said that it is done.

2007-03-04T21:19:00.000+08:00

joshua harris recounts a story told by rebecca pippert about a lady so consumed with guilt over aborting a child from pre-marital sex:

"I have done something even worse than killing my baby. My sin is what drove Jesus to the cross. It doesn't matter that I wasn't there pounding in the nails, I'm still responsible for His death [...] I came to you saying I had done the worst thing imaginable. And you tell me I have done something even worse than that."

while i may not have aborted a baby before, i have lost count of the number times have i crucified Christ with my sins, even after i became a christian.

i was just reading boy meets girl by joshua harris, a present from my oikos for my birthday, and the truth about amazing grace struck me all over again.

self-righteousness is tricky business. it weighs so heavily in my heart i simply have to comment on it, if not for others' sake, then mine.

in harris' book, he writes:

"Self-righteousness is also expressed by the person who refuses to accept God's forgiveness. "I just can't forgive myself," she says. 'Maybe God can, but I can't.' It might appear pious, but statements like these are really a form of reverse pride that says, 'My standards are higher than God's.'"

i forget how many times i have promptly returned to self-bashing after asking God for forgiveness for the sins in my life. there is always that condemning voice telling me that i have to do more to gain God's forgiveness, to be in the right standing again with God. i am not worthy of forgiveness and so i don't forgive myself even though the bible clearly says that i have been forgiven.

so what am i trying to do? prove that i'm holier than God?

well, here's a revelation: we're not holy. we will never be holy. nothing we do will ever make us of the same standing as God. Romans 3:23 tells us "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"

that's what makes the Cross so amazing. we are given a way back to our Heavenly Father through the redemption at the Cross. no one comes to the Father except through Jesus.

it was a reminder for myself that exceeding pride in the knowledge of man, and the works that we have to do to earn our way to heaven, is dangerous - we take pride in what we know, what we did, turning away from what Jesus has already done for us.

did paul not write "continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling" (phil 2:12)? he didn't tell us to work for, but to work out. God has already given us salvation through Jesus and there is nothing we can do to add to His works. Jesus put the full stop when He said "it is finished" at the Cross.

"Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ. Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you for the prize. Such a person goes into great detail about what he has seen, and his unspiritual mind puffs him up with idle notions. He has lost connection with the Head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow.

Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence." - Colossians 2:16-23

with that in mind, i thank God for the amazing grace that He has given me, an undeserving sinner.

---

a few comments from people regarding my recent post about my past as a really misguided catholic made me feel a little vexed at how people imply at other ways of reaching God.

generally, the implications i get are "attend a (religious) class!"; "give the ________ faith a chance!" and "you are misguided and your faith is simply irrational and i feel so sorry that you've chosen the wrong thing."

while i have nothing against knowing more, i have expressed before that i expect people to respect my beliefs - i am a christian who believes in the redeeming work that Jesus did on the cross, i am a sinner saved by grace. i don't think anyone appreciates random strangers telling you how to live in your faith.

if you have a problem with what i believe in, remember that choosing Jesus was my personal and conscious choice and i don't need anyone worrying on my behalf where my soul goes after i die.

i thought i closed the case with the post that followed that entry. apparently not. let me say this one last time: the point of this blog is just to air my personal thoughts. i am not always correct in what i think, i certainly hope i don't give the impression that i act smart. i definitely do not aim to forcefeed my religion/beliefs to anybody.

secondly, remember that when you speak in your capacity as an/a atheist/christian/muslim/buddhist/hindu, you are, like it or not, speaking as a representative of your own faith. after all, christians get their bible-thumping reputation because there are many people out there who give that impression when they speak in their capacity as a christian, no?

if i gave anyone the idea that i am holier-than-thou or a bible-thumper (thump thump), i ask that the readers point it out to me and i'll humbly apologise. otherwise, please move on unless you have a point that will add value to the discussion.

for the record, i do have plans to attend bible college. don't worry, i don't intend to wallow in the pit of ignorance for long.

today

2007-02-25T22:33:00.000+08:00

today is the day when i saw power and wonderful grace fall upon us, and a great promise from God that humbled me totally.

today is also the day when i see hypocrisy, ignorance, and how being too prideful in your own abilities can lead to your ultimate downfall.

why don't you take the plank out of your own eye before commenting on the speck in mine?

personal choice

2007-02-24T21:59:00.000+08:00

i got a response from kenny, a nice long post.

some last comments and i'll just stop yabbering away because it also took me a lot of effort not to "fisk" the two blogs; and frankly, it is pointless to argue. he has his beliefs and i respect that. however, i don't like the fact that my personal views were not respected. correct me if i'm wrong.

if living as a christian means "abandoning the Pearl of Great Price in exchange for straw", so be it. if choosing to be a christian means being perceived as a fool by this world, so be it. can someone please read this post and understand what i wrote there?

if i have, in any way, insulted the catholic faith, i must say it was purely unintentional and i do apologise.

you can mock me if i made some gross factual error. but the fact is i was flamed for being honest about what i think - that was not appreciated. i was mocked for having fears that was extremely real and terrifying to me at that time - that was downright insensitive.

that said, case closed.

anyway, here's a little revelation for me:

jc: i always see going to church as an obligation. something you must do...
me: not so for me. i go to church because i want to be there.

maybe i'll try a commentary on legalism soon... =D

of nitpicking

2007-02-19T23:11:00.000+08:00

i initially wanted to comment on this post but i realised it's not worth the effort.

my initial reaction was "this is ridiculous. you guys are nitpicking. and by the way, the correct term to use is independent church." oh wait, i think Jesus said something about the speck and the plank in the eye. so let's not go there. =)

on a deeper level, the blog got me thinking about my past in the catholic faith and the reasons why i chose to leave the church. scanning that blog also made me realise how i really want to know more about my faith to prove to myself that my faith is anything but irrational.

when people ask me how did i come to Christ, i usually find myself hard pressed for words. my instinctive answer is "oh, chris invited me to church, i came and believed. like that lor" because i have nothing else to say.

when people asked me how long did i know Jesus, technically it would be my whole life. i was brought to church since i was a baby, attended sunday school when i was 10, yadda yadda yadda. the correct answer for me, however, is 2 years. before 2005, i only knew Jesus as the distant God who would answer my prayers if i were a very very good girl.

my mother attended a catholic church during my teenage years. saturdays meant mom yelling at us to get dressed and dragging us out for a long bus ride to novena church. i sang the hymns and recited prayers mechanically and (proudly) from memory; i fell asleep during the sermon bit because i didn't understand what the priest was saying; i had a terrible superstition that i was only safe in church grounds and i was convinced that demons were going to attack me the moment i stepped out. i prayed the rosary every night for two years, sometimes scaring myself with visions that came during prayer. without the holy water, the rosary, and the crucifix, i lived a life of fear.

it was then i decided that the catholic faith never did much to boost my wavering belief in a God who can give me the peace of mind that i desperately sought.

my very limited perception of the catholic faith then was that our focus was on half a dozen people and saints whom i was taught were ladders to God. that the Virgin Mary is an intercessor on our behalf, and if you say enough hail Marys, you are forgiven of all sins.

i did not believe in that. it was a faith i couldn't understand.

"what about Jesus? why do we need His mother to talk to Him when we want something?"
"if God is the Father, why is Mary the mother since she was not married to God?"

little doubts and questions fuelled the final decision to leave. it did help that my mom got a little lazy and decided to stop attending church altogether.

that was about 5 years ago.

i would just like to qualify that i have nothing against the catholic faith, especially since i was a catholic and i do have a certain reverence for its leaders. the above are just a record of the things that went through my head as i searched for God.

while others may say otherwise and shoot us down for having a faith that goes against all human logic, i do find my relationship with God (there you go) a comparatively logical one that kept me in church, in ministry and made me even more thirsty for God. i wanted to respond to people who shoot down the protestant faith (sadly, some of them are in the body of Christ.) but, as i stated earlier, it is pointless to do so.

the main reason that drew me to my faith lies in its simplicity. the christian/pentecostal faith is a simpler faith that believes in the redeeming and loving sacrifice of the Son, Jesus Christ. there are no elaborate rites, no strict sets of rules to follow. just simple faith in the love of God.

with that, comes the firm belief in the Word of God, that is the bible - Scripture that is God-breathed and inspired by the Holy Spirit. we do not need to explain the authority of the bible to anyone who scoffs, especially those who are in the faith and yet present reason after reason against our "blind" belief in the authority of the Word.

i guess i can say it's just like trying to rationalise the existence of God to an atheist - people do get rather stubborn when it comes to matters of religion. i do not exclude myself from that statement.

i have a lot more to say on this topic but i will have to get some research done before actually penning things down. i don't need to risk sullying the name of the protestants by shooting myself in the foot. maybe i will continue this post some other time.

hello if you're a random reader who has something to say about my views. on my part, i'll just stress that this post is purely based on my very limited understanding of the catholic and protestant faiths. it's not meant to be a comparison of the two denominations. more importantly, it is not meant to be a "my religion is better than yours, so there" thing. i'd like to think i'm more mature than that. =)

testify to love

2007-02-15T23:57:00.000+08:00

she knew that the time drew near: she had to share to a roomful of people about what God did for her in the past two to three weeks. the all-too-familiar butterfiles were starting to flutter in her stomach.

"oh God... i don't know how to do this! what have i gotten myself into?! what if my words came out incoherent? what should i share? oh God oh God oh God..."

words nearly failed her. it didn't help that she had a huge ulcer which made it difficult for her to speak.

it was time.

she was amazed that her voice came out steady. the thoughts rolled out pretty coherently and the audience laughed with her.

"not bad..."

as she sat down, she looked back and was simply amazed at the extent to which her Father came through for her even till that very last second of her sharing. the day had been a long and tiring one, yet talking about her Father's goodness miraculously refreshed her soul in a way beyond her comprehension.

---

"during these two weeks God gave me a vision, a direction to keep on praying. for most of us, engage and cdp might be over - for me, it's only the beginning."

i nearly cried as i quietly pondered on how undeserving i was of His love, and yet i know in my spirit that it is fact. this was really a case of "count your blessings, one by one, and be surprised at what the Lord has done."

of fasts and prayer...

2007-02-09T13:29:00.000+08:00

we wrapped up campus day of prayer last night. there's that bittersweet feeling - the relief that the event finally ended, and the sadness that the fun seems to be over.

either way, the past two weeks have been long and hard for me, but i'm thankful that God brought me through these two weeks and showed me what it really meant to fast:

“Fasting is pretty much like a Spiritual Detox! Fasting can be pretty confusing at times, because of the very nature of the cleansing process. Fasting has a way of bringing every nasty habit and irritation you’ve got just bubbling to the surface. You will notice that if you have a bad temper hidden down there where no one else (but God and yourself) can see, then it will come right to the surface and you’ll start roaring at people. Be patient and be encouraged, and don’t give up. The Lord will clean you out.”

- Adapted from “The hidden Power of Prayer and Fasting” by Mahesh Chavda.

a friend reminded me of this when i shared how upset i was about fasting - i've been anything but godly the past two weeks. there is the common perception that fasting is supposed to be a time of purity and godliness and holy living and what not. well, guess what? it's not. one lesson i've learnt from the two weeks of fasting is that God doesn't want us to be holier-than-thou, because we can never be holy and perfect. what God needs is for us to break down, and go to Him for our spiritual fixing, that we may be strengthened in Him to continue doing His work.

one "rule" i stick to when i fast is that a fast is not a fast unless you sacrifice something that mattered to you. daniel (vegetarian) fasts are therefore out of the question because everyone who ate with me enough times know that i can survive very well without meat. the real challenge for me is when i give up eating altogether.

i don't work well when i'm hungry. it didn't really help that i was rushing for CDP preparation AND half a dozen tutorials. i was very upset at one of the tutors in school because he consistently and unreasonably barred me from using the school computers to edit a video i was rushing for the event (actually i thank God that i didn't manage to use my school's computers. it would have been another problem.). i was bitchy, moody and emotional the past two weeks, tutorials and readings were piling in and crushing me with their weight. the video i stayed up to do somehow screwed up. for the first time in my life, i found myself tossing and turning in the middle of the night because of a project that was not even academically related.

in the midst of my storms, God still made a way for me and everything worked out fine. the whole experience of fasting and being part of the organising committee for campus day of prayer was enriching, albeit frustrating.

as thanksgiving,

firstly, we experienced the blessings of answered prayers. to cut a long story short, we were unable to secure the venue until very late. eventually the administration offered us the nanyang auditorium free of charge. the auditorium was huge and is probably the best place in school that we could ever hope to hold an event in.

secondly, i realised how God could use me to work creatively for event publicity and the video as long as i let Him take creative control. i owe this mostly to the prayers of the pcomm as well as faye, they all knew how stressed i was over these things. =)

thirdly, the entire video-making ordeal/experience from the production to the post-prod process further affirmed in my spirit that God placed me in mass communications for a reason. in 2005, i was all set to head to NUS to major in literature, yet i applied for NTU's communication studies. for some reason, i accepted NTU's offer despite having said before that i never wanted to come to this school.

last but not least, the event itself brought me a new sister-in-Christ. she was a girl who used to make my life hell in secondary school, you could say she was the class bitch. last night she made right with God and asked for forgiveness for what she did during our secondary school days. i saw a life that was wholly transformed by Christ, a girl who possibly is on fire for Him and i was really glad for her.

it was quite a stressful and tiring fortnight. nevertheless, i'm glad for the spiritual refreshing that the Lord gave. i've tasted how good my Heavenly Father has been to me and i'll continue to pray for amazing things like this to come my way. it may mean difficult times, but if i come out of it knowing that God made me stronger, it's all worth it.

tough times are temporal and inevitable, but my God is eternal. hallelujah!

my calling

2007-01-26T01:11:00.000+08:00

today i made a total fool out of myself in lecture because i had an argument to make, but it came out horribly wrong. i rehearsed it several times in my head, perfecting everything, right down to the last word, to pitch my idea to my professor. yet when my prof indicated that i could speak, the thoughts somehow came out a jumbled mess. talk about incoherence. but then speaking was never really my strongest suit. i have always believed that one of my fortes is in writing, that i express myself best with words.

incoherence is my worst enemy and i'm seriously concerned now that it's creeping into my writing. chances are, i'm the only one who would understand what i write because my style assumes that everyone else knows what is going on in my (extremely messed up) head.

somehow, i fear i lost my aptitude for writing. maybe i'm just being a perfectionist, but i am never satisfied with the things i produce. i visit the blogs of some of my church mates and i somehow feel very ashamed of myself because the way these people write are evidently more superior.

i write best when i'm driven by passion. these days, however, i am too exhausted to feel passionate about anything. i just get by, praying that God will give me just enough strength to last through the day and bring me back to my bed at night.

let's just say i'm fed up. fed up of all these wonderful ideas swimming around in my head and my apparent inability to express them in a nice, coherent way. writing was my saving grace before, and there is no way i'm allowing anyone to steal this avenue of catharsis from me.

it's time i start bucking up, because i want to write for Him.

the peace that transcends all understanding

2007-01-24T21:53:00.000+08:00

You are the peace that guards my heart
My help in times of need
You are the hope that leads me on
And brings me to my knees

For there I find You waiting
And there I find release
So with all my heart I'll worship
And unto You I sing

For You alone deserve all glory
For You alone deserve all praise
Father we worship and adore You
Father we long to see Your face

For You alone deserve all glory
For You alone deserve all praise
Father we love You
And we worship You this day.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:7

running after You

2007-01-10T08:35:00.001+08:00

this coming sunday officially marks my second year of salvation. two years with bethesda cathedral and i am very surprised at the distance that i've come.

i was once a spiritual infant. i feel a little stronger in Christ now. i used to crawl like a toddler, feeding on spiritual milk (1 Peter 2:2), now i feel like i'm walking with Christ.

i look forward to the day when i can run with God.

here's to two years and more!

jet-setting

2007-01-01T17:23:00.000+08:00

by the grace of God, my parents have allowed me to fly to korea for cm2007, and so i'll have my first overseas mission trip. on top of that, i've signed up for a local mission trip with crusade wherein we'll produce a evangelical film with crusade's media ministry.

God is good, all the time.

when i told a friend (you know who you are) about our evangelism trip to the rural villages of korea, he asked why didn't i choose a western country such as america or canada instead. my answer was:

western countries have more than enough missionaries to spread the gospel. the ones who really need us are our neighbours in asia.

it is too comfortable. a sacrifice is not a sacrifice unless it costs you something.

upon reflection, i suddenly realised that i *do* have a heart for the lost sheep in asia - a reason why i'll never consider western countries for mission trips. i would be aiming for thailand or cambodia... maybe next year when my parents can no longer use that "wait till you're 21 then we say" excuse on me.

anyway, 2007 would be a faith stretching year for me because there are alot of things i'm trusting God to do - raise the money required to pay for my mission trips, safety, language barriers, food and accommodation, and many other things that i may not have yet foreseen. it would be exactly half a year before the adventure *really* begins, but i feel like the adventure starts now.

right now, everything is going really really good. i'm still basking in the post-metamorphosis afterglow. hahaha.

2006 has been a fruitful year. i would not say it was a good year since it brought about some of the darkest moments in my christian walk, but it was eventful. in retrospect, i'm amazed at how much God has carried me through the little things in life.

2 years of salvation and i'm more in love with my Lord than ever, more thankful because of the doors He has opened for me, amazed because He chose to give me so many opportunities to serve and minister to people around me.

God is good, all the time. =D

season's greetings

2006-12-24T19:13:00.000+08:00

for the (non-existent) festive cheer

sorry. i'm long past the age where i get easily excited over gifts and parties. to those out there who have not lost that child in them, enjoy. =)

tis the season

2006-12-23T10:56:00.000+08:00

"Silent night, Holy night. All is calm, all is bright. . . ."

The carols try to tell us that this is a calm and silent time of year. But for most of us, the weeks leading up to Christmas can be anything but calm. You know the drill: office parties, shopping, baking, wrapping, relatives, Christmas plays and everyone's favorite - family pictures. It's enough to leave even the strongest among us exhausted. Can we slow things down a little so we can enjoy the season again? Does anyone have time for that?

Whatever your plans for the season, don't let them overtake your holiday. Remember Dr. Seuss's classic tale How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Christmas will come without all the wrappings and bows, it will still come if the turkey isn't perfect, if your tree is a little lop-sided or the dog decides to help you 'redecorate'.

There are ways to put a little relaxation back into your Christmas season without adding too much to your busy schedule. As we get closer and closer to the 25th, try a couple of these simple ideas and remember what enjoying the holiday feels like.

Host a coloring party. Coloring parties are a tradition I learned from my Mom's friend Gail. Every Christmas the local hospital sells large (3' x 2') coloring books as a fund raiser and Gail uses these as the center of her get together. Friends are invited to bring a little of their Christmas baking and come over for a morning of coffee and coloring. Upon arriving, everyone gathers around the coloring books on the kitchen table and dives into brand new packs of crayons with the glee of five-year-olds. The conversation flows. It is a relaxed, non threatening time, a great way to catch up with old friends, an easy way to get to know new neighbors.
Choose one or two people from your list and make their present. Making gifts gives you a great excuse to go off somewhere by yourself for a few hours. Put on your favorite music, light a pine scented candle and enjoy the quiet as you work. The possibilities for hand-made gifts are endless.
Attend a local highschool or college concert. Most school bands and choirs put on Christmas concerts and the entrance fee is almost always minimal. Grab a friend or the whole family and support local musicians while relaxing and getting into the Christmas spirit.
Read your favorite children's Christmas story. Find a quiet corner, a cup of cocoa, and favorite blanket and curl up a read the story you most loved as a child. How the Grinch Stole Christmas and The Night Before Christmas are classics, or better yet, read the original Christmas story in the Bible in the book of Luke (Luke 2:1-20).
Reflect on the season. Christmas is many things to many people, but at the heart of all the celebrating and festivities is a baby born in a manger. In Bethlehem, two thousand years ago God sent his son into the world. The Bible tells us that Jesus was not sent into the world to condemn it, but to save it. Many churches put on special Christmas pageants that portray the story of Jesus, who he is and what he came to earth to do. Why not take in a performance over the next few weeks and rediscover the true reason for the season?

"Peace on Earth" is a phrase you see everywhere this time of year. For many of us, we have to wonder where that peace is? Who is at peace? What about countries that are at war? Is "Peace on Earth" even possible in this day and age? Peace on Earth is possible, and it can start with you. You can find peace through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here's a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know You personally. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to You and ask You to come in as my Saviour and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.

If this prayer expresses the desire of your heart, pray it right now and Christ will come into your life as He promised. If you invited Jesus Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you'll experience life to the fullest.

Christmas is a time to remember the gift of love that was given to us. May your days be merry and bright and may the love that sparked the season find you in the days and weeks to come.

From Chinese Women Today.Com

pressing in

2006-12-17T20:14:00.000+08:00

Led by a Star
by Bethesda Cathedral
22 DEC 2006, 1900h

i am rejoicing now because i KNOW i'm standing at a brink of breakthrough. i have been on quite an intensive hard-sell for this event and i thank God that i managed to get 7 (and counting!!!) people to agree to come for this event. i count my family members in.

yes, my family members. the ones who could barely be bothered about church, the ones who think my church is waaaaaaay too far and the ones who think i should respect their beliefs. the word released this morning was to press in, and God honoured His word when i decided to ask my parents and sister one last time.

this is a personal breakthrough, too. maybe because there is an urgency this time, an urgency that drives me beyond my personal limitations and forced me to reach out to people around me.

i'm just oh so jubilant. my christmas will be made complete if my family gets saved. that is my prayer for the whole of next week.

will post more stuff in the week to come. meanwhile, i shall wait upon Him in anticipation of the surprises that He has in store for me. =D

the significance of christmas

2006-12-13T00:36:00.000+08:00

i had a lot of half typed posts saved as drafts in my blogger list.. things that may never see the light of day until.. God knows.

i once told my oikos i had a dream, which was to write for God. that's partially the reason why this blog is set up, why i pursued a course in communications (it's a very indirect link, but there is one anyway), etc. unfortunately my writing has been stagnating these few months, sometimes even deteriorating (oh the horror!).

the above paragraphs have nothing to do with the title of this post.

it's the christmas season. it's hard to ignore that fact when everywhere you go, you get an earful of christmas carols - songs telling us that the reason for the season is Jesus Christ.

as i sang along to some of the songs whilst window shopping, i wonder - have these carols lost their significance? we sing lines such as "men would live forevermore because of christmas day" and "oh come let us adore Him", yet i get this strong feeling that people have become desensitized towards the significance of the songs.

as you grow up, the less excited you feel about christmas because society is gradually making me numb to the commercialized festivities. this year though, i promised myself it will be different.

a part of me wishes that people would stop and listen - listen and think as to why christmas is celebrated. this christmas, i ask that you think and seek the truth with all your heart. and i pray you'll find Him, because i know He's waiting to find you.

hark now hear the angels sing, the King is born to die for our sins, to bridge the great divide.

it's harvest time. it's the time where i stop hiding in my comfortable hermit shell and start waging war on the frontlines. only because i don't want to tell God that i didn't try hard enough to save the ones i love.

i do admit though, i don't like the idea that christmas is so hyped up when easter is obviously the more significant day to celebrate.

the day i saw Jesus (fire conference 2006)

2006-07-02T18:26:00.000+08:00

truly He dwells amongst the praises of His people.

worshipping the Lord! (quite an amazing sight from where i was stationed)

bad quality of photos due to the fact that i stupidly forgot to bring my camera.

and a few memorable quotes from reinhard bonnke..

1. "no problem, reinhard! for Jesus lives in your heart and sometimes, He looks out of the windows!" - the Holy Spirit's answer to bonkke's "how on earth did a stranger see Jesus in my eyes?!!?"

2. "to hell with satan, to heaven with the world!" - the evangelism call.

3. "hell empty, heaven full!" - the evangelism call 2.

buzz off

2006-06-29T01:35:00.000+08:00

i know i promised a GoJ thing but as usual, i got kinda sidetracked. this is just a little update. =)

---

after words of confirmation, i'm just waiting upon God for the right time to go further into my ministry. satan's spiritual attacks only serve to further enforce my faith that i am headed in the right direction - a direction that he does not want me to take.

so mr. s.a. tan, listen up:

the more you try to trip me up, the more determined i am to go against you.

you're not the boss of me. Jesus is.

if you know what's good for you, leave me alone.

"For the God of peace will soon crush satan underneath our feet" - Romans 16:20

God has been faithful towards me, and all the more i shall praise Him.

GoJ, DVC, other acronyms and updates

2006-04-20T20:23:00.000+08:00

and so i finally update.

as my exams draw to a close (1 more paper as of now), i'll just pen this down just for the sake of writing.

post-exam plans include a closer study of the bible and the apologetics in the face of things such as da vinci code and gospel of judas. national geographic is also going to feature a secret bible week. looks like lyn's gonna be watching a whole load of television too.

my personal opinion is that this is a load of crap and i'm not going to shut up and watch people tell lies about my Saviour. but, of course, that is just my opinion. let's take a rational and logical approach, because it is more satisfying anyway. while i do my research, check this entry out. it's by a fellow coursemate. =)

i'm feeling disturbed by a whole lot of things going on right now.

epihany

2006-03-21T02:50:00.000+08:00

Oh little town of Jerusalem
Looks like another silent night
The Father gave His only Son
The Way, the Truth, the Life had come
But there was no room for Him in the world He came to save
- While You Were Sleeping by Casting Crowns

everyone looks at His death, but what about His birth?

one of the most amazing things about Jesus was the fact that despite Him being God, He chose to come to this earth in such a humble way.

i mean, He could have chosen a more normal way of coming to earth, made a room miraculously available, or come another day when there is a vacancy, or something. He is God, after all. but no, there was no room, He chose the manger.

until now, there is still little room for Jesus in this world. many doze on in their induced slumber and choose to believe what they dream about. when He knocks on their doors, there is no room for Him in our hearts, and He is relegated to the mangers, waiting to release His wonder working power in our lives.

even in His birth, it was already a pre-cursor to what will happen.

and even after His death and ressurection, there are still people who rather let the Lord live in the mangers of their lives, instead of enthroning Him as King in their hearts. some even deny Him a place in their lives.

for lack of a better conclusion because i'm still rushing a paper (i had to pen this down when i was listening to casting crowns..) sometimes i think my life is too good to be true, despite all that work stress and pressure piling up on me.

why mona lisa smiles

2006-03-04T00:48:00.000+08:00

"is it possible that this *demonic* show can be a box office hit?!!?!"
- anonymous comment from someone at a talk on the da vinci code

frankly, i'm appalled at the response. it's childish (coming from a university student, no less) and smacks of legalism. and it only goes to show that this person misunderstood, or did not listen to, what the speaker was trying to tell us for the past hour.

friends, as we all know, the da vinci code movie is coming to us. and i encourage everyone to watch it. watch it with an open mind, and think carefully about your perceptions of who Christ is, what all the fuss is about, etc.

i do not subscribe to whatever brown wrote, and my argument (aside from all the academic and highly theological ones that scholars write) is simple:

the book is classified as fiction. check the book.

you simply don't take a work of fiction and treat it for real. it's like watching a movie about a hidden volcano under los angeles and telling me that there is really a volcano under the city.

of course, there are other arguments to contradict whatever brown wrote, but that i'll leave to the scholars and established academics.

in short, my response to the da vinci code is just to take it in with an open mind. it is a book worth mulling over: not over whether Jesus really married Mary Magdeline, but on the more important things such as who Jesus really is.

if you prefer to think on frivilous issues such as the former, i'll just say: God help you.

i apologise for the choppiness of this post. i just wanted to quickly pen down my thoughts before going to sleep. hehe. good night everyone.

uncreative updates

2006-02-21T00:30:00.000+08:00

in retrospect, i think God taught me more about my faith in the last 2 weeks than the past few months have.

crusade engaged in a period of fasting and prayer for the past two weeks, and it possibly impacted me more than anything else in my walk so far. i finally realised what christina meant when she told me that fasting would bring you to a more spiritual/supernatural dimensions, when you become more sensitive to the spiritual realm.

of course, there are more aspects to fasting than that. but i felt that i was acutely aware of the reality of this battle between heaven and hell. and the power of prayer in everything we do. it's really surprising how much a difference a couple of lines with God will make.

many doors are opening, and it gets pretty exciting.

i am officially the support and prayer coordinator for crusade's foc, nominated by doreen because of my stint with meta's prayer comm. i was surprised by her nomination because i was never really one who prays beautifully. my prayers are short, sweet and to the point. i try to pepper them with verses from the bible, or something. but flowery language is not really my forte when i talk to God. i guess in some aspects, that is a good thing because God is not one to be swayed by elaborate language. i don't know what lies ahead for me in this area, i just pray that God will lead the way for me.

i'm also trying to get my butt down for oikos. it was a good thing that God made a way for me by allowing me to run into justine, who invited me to her okios set on saturday mornings. time constraint problem solved. am rather excited about finally being part of a cell, but there seems to be a whole lot of things holding me back from actually going.

and last but not least, i may be on my way to my first overseas trip. i most likely will be headed towards san francisco this june for a convention and sight-seeing with a couple of close friends, one of whom is a fellow crusader. and i signed up for the crusade's mission trips (local missions) to spread the gospel to educational institutions. the latter is not really confirmed yet, am praying that if this is God's will, He will make the path smooth for me. i kinda wish i could go for an overseas mission, but i guess i will settle for a local mission till my parents loosen the reins over my passport. =)

there's more, of course, but i'm getting a little tired to type. heh.

quoting God

2006-02-10T17:51:00.000+08:00

it's interesting when people who are not Christians sometimes quote from the Bible.

like, why do they base their arguments on something that they do not believe in?

random thought during lecture.

the four meme

2006-01-30T13:47:00.000+08:00

thanks to laughingcow for spreading the love. but it's by doing memes like this that i realise how boring i am. =(

Four jobs you've had in your life:
1) tax officer/call center operator
2) freelance web designer
2) maid (cos we don't have one at home)
4) student..?

Four movies you could watch over and over again (not to be confused with favourite movies):
1) moulin rogue
2) shrek
3) memoirs of a geisha (tis good, really)
4) coyote ugly

Four TV shows you love(d) to watch (among many others):
1) Charmed
2) Whose Line Is It Anyway?
3) The Simpsons
4) X Men

Four places you've lived:
1) Yishun
2) Choa Chu Kang
3) Boon Lay
4) Toa Payoh

Four places you've been on vacation to:
1) Perth, Australia
2) Brisbane, Australia
3) Sunshine Coast, Australia
4) Sentosa
(ok so i cheated. it just shows how little i travel too.)

Four places you would rather be:
1) church
2) home (where i am.)
3) Maldives
4) England

Four of your favourite foods:
1) stir fried belachan kang kong
2) salmon sashimi
3) pasta and cheese
4) fish curry

Four websites you visit daily:
1) livejournal
2) gmail
3) this blog (to access all other blogs i regularly read)
4) hotmail

Four tagged:
1)
2)
3)
4)
shall tag everyone who wants to do this.

shaming the wise

2006-01-26T00:08:00.000+08:00

announcement: please change all links to http://7kmh.blogspot.com! thank you!

one of the things that will never fail to ruffle my feathers is how some people love to talk or write as if their logic is absolutely right. no alternative explanations, no other answers. 1 plus 1 will equal to 3 simply because this person says so, and every other answer is wrong.

look here. wake up from your self-centered world and smell the coffee. there are NO absolutes in this world, there is NO such thing as pure black or white.

and if you think you are authority just because you are deviant, i'm sorry. so long as you do not make a point that makes sense to me, i do not care if you are a porn queen or the president of some unfound nation that you claim exist (because YOU say SO), your narrow-minded, myopic views mean nothing to me.

another thing. if you claim to be previously christian, the way you write reflects otherwise; because i simply refuse to believe that a true christian (even one who has backsliden) will be able to say such things about her faith. and if you were never a christian, well i don't know what is your problem with the religion that you obviously do not know much about.

ladies and gentlemen, this lady's blog is the second blog i'm swearing off, of course, second to xiaxue. i must thank her though, she piqued my interest in the apologetics and my determination to get my bible studies right.

christianity is not something you expect to fully decode using science and logic. but God has never ever left us defenseless when our faith come under fire from such skeptics.

on a loosely connected note, morals.

we all have our own notion of what is right and what is wrong. murder is wrong, doing charity is right, etc.

personally i try not to impose any judgements on people, for the simple reason that my initial judgements have nearly always failed me. (maybe my woman's intuition is severely underdeveloped.) on a more christian-y level, i am not in any position to judge. God is.

it gets quite saddening to know that some think that evangelism is more of an imposition of our moral values on other people.

i admit, there are people out there who use the ~~wrong~~ disagreeable ways to share Christ with pre and unbelievers. it gets pretty tempting to do the following when one argues the case for Christ:

to compare religions. e.g.: christianity is superior to other religions such as islam or buddhism..

to emphasize on the sinful state of the unbeliever.

evangelism, from my point of view.

the basic message behind christianity is love. the love of God for His creation, Man; the love of Christ for all who have wandered away from the Father. basically, i do not believe in "cheap good to be hawked to the public", because i, myself, am not sinless, nor always morally upright.

while it's great to know that there are people out there actively trying to share the gospel, maybe we all have to reflect inwardly and ask ourselves, "is this how we want non-believers to see us? as people who impose our so-called 'righteous lives' on them?"

one of the most powerful testimonies that will bring people to Christ is how one lives his life, and how one presents oneself to other people.

point of this post? not much. just to release some steam about a certain blogger and some apparent black Christian sheeps. pun fully intended, if you know what i mean.

he said, she said, who cares

2006-01-17T00:47:00.000+08:00

i always find myself fascinated by any scandals involving xiaxue. this may be due to my initial embarrassment and disdain for the thing she calls "blogging", it's somehow a quirk of human nature to be interested in things we do not really like.

a guilty "pleasure", if you can call it pleasure in the first place.

so read up on the massive expose on tomorrow.sg if you want. the above mention is merely a springboard for my thoughts (there is no need for analysis on such a person).

i was once challenged by this guy who claimed to be atheist:

"if this world is the best that God can do, He is not a God worth following."

to put it in the words of another friend, "Dad, Your creations kinda suck."

many forget that we live in a fallen world, where satan is the reigning prince. that is the reason why the bible tells us not to befriend this world, because when we are reborn with Christ, we essentially are "dead" to this sucky world full of hatred, hypocrisy and violence. this includes gossip and bitter hypocrisy.

so when gossip comes into my face, i pray for the strength to smile at it in its ugly face and go on my own merry way.

by God's grace

2005-12-31T20:41:00.000+08:00

A Warm Bath of Grace

Many Christians often are in doubt about their own salvation. "Am I forgiven? How do I know that God is not angry with me?" And so it is so easy for Satan to trick us into believing that "No, God has not forgiven you, and never will."

And so we see the advent of legalism, and desperate attempts by several people to gain God's approval by doing several things such as confession, praying doubly hard, participating in every single activity that your church organized.

But, wasn't it said that we are saved by grace through faith?

God's Grace

Look up the definition of grace, and you get: " A favor rendered by one who need not do so."

The keywords? "need not do so"

God's grace is not something we can earn by works. Because we will never be able to live a life that is adequate enough to repay the price God has paid to redeem us.

Nothing we do will increase God's love for us, neither will there be anything we can do to decrease His love for us.

Assurance of Love

Miller candidly muses, "I used to wonder what would Jesus say to me when we meet in Heaven. Would it be like what my parents told me: 'Shape up or shift out'?"

Turn to the book of Ephesians and take a look at Paul's opening address: 'To the saints in Ephesus, the faithful in Christ Jesus.'

Did it say 'sinners'? No, it was to the 'saints'. In our acceptance of Jesus Christ, we are no longer seen as sinners, but as 'saints'.

The third chapter of Mark states that Jesus called those he wanted. He called out to the apostles, and called to them to follow Him.

Jesus was the one who called those He wanted. The fact that you are in Christ Jesus is fact enough that we are chosen by God to be His children

Mr. Miller relates the policy of adoption in the USA:

"In the US, the law does not allow for you to disown an adopted child. You may disown your biological children but never your adopted child."

Similarly, because God adopted us to be His children, He will never forsake us or disown us. (Joshua 1:5)

Knowing this we can live a life in the assurance of God's everlasting love. But we must not take this grace for granted - it was given to us undeserved, and it can be taken away.

Material from Living Free II by Dr. Rich Miller

I will be posting up another of his sermons in another post.

That said, have a blessed 2006 everyone! =)

season's greetings

2005-12-24T10:42:00.000+08:00

have a blessed christmas.

what is love

2005-12-19T00:23:00.000+08:00

"it shouldn't be 'i love you because...' or worse, 'i love you, but...' it should just be 'i love you.'" - chris

i shudder to think if God's love was 'i love you, but...'

troubled tears

2005-12-11T20:21:00.000+08:00

as each tear rolled off her cheek, it fell heavy with the weight of her troubles. and then they were no more.

i am praying that everything will turn out alright. that i was merely being oversensitive.

anyway, 7km/h will be moving either to blogspot (urgh) or her own private domain because the hostess will not be able to host her.

and as always, the blogger has lots of things to say but conveniently forgot everything.

because blogging begets bitching

2005-12-05T22:10:00.000+08:00

all adore alliteration!

i am recovering from the shock of someone accusing the grand-daddy of singapore blogs, mr brown of being using his blog as a "complain column". that is sg blogosphere blapshemy!

from the person's comments, i can assume the following:
#1: this person is not singaporean
#2: this person is very singaporean

#1 because everyone (except for those who don't know that singapore is a country) knows that we are famous for complaining about everything and anything under the sun. want proof? take a look at our forum pages.

#2 because the person, whether intentionally or not, complained that mb is a complain king.

i once used blogs as an avenue for angst and complaint. i rant at those people who happily stomped on my slipper-ed toes with their covered boots, i rant at those annoying kids who seem to use any and every venue as a playground. i rant about anything and everything under the sun. i even bitch about people who i don't know personally.

and then i realised that it's a major waste of webspace to add my blog chok full of complaints onto an overflowing cauldron of bitching. what is the point when you cannot derive anything constructive from doing so? and worse still, what if your words resulted in a negative impact on someone else?

it is human to be dis-satisfied with what we have or how things are done, because we really are meant for so much more and we know it innately.

it becomes sad when people take it to an extreme by turning a complaint into a bitchfest, without care about the consequences of his/her words.

the one about moving houses

2005-11-28T23:12:00.000+08:00

the thing about packing your stuff up and shifting places is you are forced to confront years of memories, be it the sweet times that's gone or the skeletons in your closet.

and in my case, it is 19 years of memories i was sifting through in the past few days. i thumbed through diary entries written through secondary school (before blogging was in vogue) and jc, and looked through photos of those times.. and just laughed at myself for being such a silly little girl.

it is only when you see the life before and after Christ came into the picture that you truly grasp the impact He made.

i don't know if i said this before but one of the things about christianity that amazes me is the way God gives us things even when we never asked for them, or when we cannot do anything significant back for Him.

you see, because i am raised in such a culture that when i go up to someone for something, i am always forced to think of something i can offer the other party as an incentive for them to help me. when i was facing my council interview, i was told "don't tell them what they can do for you. tell them what you can do for them." in a job interview, it is always "what is it that you can do for us? why should we hire you?"

it's never "what do you stand to gain from us?" or "what can we do to help you?" (apparently you seldom get that line even in the service sector.)

so now Christ comes along and gave us love. He gave me confidence, self-esteem and the promise of love and life. all these without asking me to do anything drastic.

i guess what is truly so amazing about God's love is the simplicity of what He asks us to return unto Him: our love.

the little things in life

2005-11-23T00:53:00.000+08:00

a little update just for the sake of it.

it's the holidays now and i know it's all the more reason why i shouldn't be ignoring this blog. but lately i've been busy with a newly undertaken web project that actually will pay me, and it gets pretty demanding to the extent that i haven't got much time for blogging. ask my lj friends and they can verify that.

and to get us into the festive cheer:

- bethesda cathedral's christmas musical, "coming home"; 23rd and 24th december evenings, @ 1930h sharp!

yours truly will be performing in the choir and a rollicking good time is guranteed mainly cos the script is really funny.. that's all i'll reveal for now. =)

tickets (distributed free) are required for entry so do pm me if you are interested. =)

---

that aside,

in current affairs, aussies enraged cos singapore is meteing out punishment to an aussie drug trafficker.

as a disclaimer: i love australia. really i do. hate the sin, not the sinner yes?

seriously, anyone who is able to reason logically should be able to figure out that given singapore's really tough laws, you cannot possibly expect to be let off easily for a crimminal offence as serious as trafficking drugs.

drug trafficking is not a problem easily solved with just a slap on the hand. furthermore, if we didn't let the americans off, what makes the australians any different? but that, of course, is besides the point.

to put things simply, what the singapore government did was to convict a drug trafficker, not an australian. the case would be the same whether the guy was finnish, dutch, indian, or whatever nationality. so any arguments that are remotely nationalistic can be flushed down the drain.

a law is a law is a law. you break it, be ready to bear the responsibility of your actions. it's as simple as that.

sometimes people can get so uppity about the slightest things without stopping to think whether it is really worth their time and energy to make the big fuss.

if more people put themselves in the shoes of other people, they suddenly find that not everything is about you, yourself and... you. maybe things will be so much easier if people thought about things such as "will the australian government have done the same thing if roles were reversed and a singaporean was caught trafficking drugs in australia?"

unfortunately, not everyone is willing to spare the precious time required to come up with an answer to the above question. it's easier to rage about what a bitch the singapore government is.

cue: empty vessels making the most noise.

the frog jumped out of the well

2005-11-15T22:05:00.000+08:00

my initial reaction to the new paper article about dawn yeo (i only just caught up with the hoo-haa because of my now-over exams. to put it in the apostle paul's words, "rejoice!") was "why the heck must xiaxue be so catty about people being prettier or more popular than she is?"

out of curiousity, i broke my personal promise to myself and visited xiaxue's blog. see, journalistic objectivity prompts us to get both sides of the story. and lo-and-behold, miss cheng dispelled my annoyance with a full length explanation of what really happened. it was one of the few times when i could exit xiaxue's blog without smirking.

i am not going to comment on how dawn yeo is unnaturally pretty thanks to plastic surgery, or debate about why plastic surgery is right/wrong/whatever. that has been talked to death and for goodness sake, give the girl a break. in fact, she's doing mankind a huge favour by being eye candy for us, you know.

what appalled me more was the unprofessional approach that the journalist who wrote that story in tnp took.

because as a person who studies journalism, the basic rule of thumb is: you. simply. do. not. make. up. quotes. ever.

i'm striking the new paper off my list of prospective career options. actually, sph is officially off my list of prospective employers. press freedom aside, the fact that editors can let something as serious as fabrication pass through to the print center...

let's just say that maybe because i am a girl who has yet to really see the world, i have idealistic expectations of this world that are on the verge of being burst.

i have a couple more things to blog about. maybe will start writing after i actually recover from this outrage and remember what it is i wanted to say. haha.

the nearly end of exams post

2005-11-12T12:16:00.000+08:00

just yesterday night...

me: oh yeah, do keep me in your prayers. i've hit the spiritual desert again. =(
friend: i already did.

"let me find You in the desert,
till the sand is holy ground"

i really don't know what to say, just that i feel oh so loved. =)

that lightbulb question

2005-11-06T18:48:00.000+08:00

How many churchgoers does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatics: Only one. Hands are already in the air.

Roman Catholics: None. They use candles.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the light bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and off.

Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much better they liked the old bulb.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We chose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the light bulb. However, if you have found in your own journey that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb and present it next month at our annual l light bulb Sunday service in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Baptists: At least fifteen. One to change the light bulb, five or six professors to search the Bible for authorization and then two or three committees to approve the change. Oh, and some faithful women to make a casserole.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Methodists: A whole congregation. One to change the light bulb, and the rest of the congregation to be sure that he doesn't backslide.

hello, this is frustration speaking

2005-10-19T21:12:00.000+08:00

"In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." - Luke 15:10

a backslided christian once told me, upon learning that i am christian, that she "is one of the condemned ones" that people like me should despise.

i strongly believe i'm not in a position to judge, for who am i, but a servant of God, to judge a fellow human being? but i don't think i can understand why anyone who has experienced the love of Jesus could ever want to stray away from Him.

i don't understand.

a friend of mine recently backslided and i feel my heart breaking. it's like watching a romantic relationship fizzle out and the couple getting bored of each other, and now i witness the break-up. even though i'm not directly involved, my heart hurts badly for what was lost.

when the sinner repents, the angels of God whoop for joy, dance and sing and shout praises. but when the christian backslides, i wonder if the angels cry. i think they do.

i know this in my spirit because my heart cries as well.

the sky was grey when i came out of my lecture. the wind beat crisply against my skin, almost to the point of biting me. it suited my mood perfectly.

when everything seems to be going wrong, i pray that i will always remember the story of joseph in Genesis 50:20

"But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive."

i will have to take a short hiatus from blogging here because of exams. i will only blog if there's anything i need to share urgently.

God bless.

you know God ain't lying...

2005-10-09T00:37:00.000+08:00

when you get a shirt like this:

man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.

in the following size:

p/s: i'm usually a medium size.

why Jesus had to die for singaporeans

2005-09-29T15:51:00.000+08:00

disclaimer: this post is just for laughs, a result of a little joke between a friend and i. other than the bibilical and historical references, this post is wholly fiction and is meant to make you laugh. it is not meant to disparage singaporeans. do sit back and i hope you enjoy this one.

i refer to the books of exodus - deutronomy

why Jesus had to die for singaporeans

1. because we cannot sacrifice animals in worship

in the early years of its development, singapore cleared away most of her kampungs and farms and built hdb flats in its place. and it is illegal for us to rear lambs and goats in such areas, making it difficult for us to do animal sacrifices. so Jesus had to die so that we don't have to do it anymore.

spca and many animal loving singaporeans will complain that christians ill treat innocent lambs and goats on top of every other reasons why a christian should be avoided at all cost.

and neighbours will complain that our flats are always smelly.

2. because we cannot camp around a tabernacle

imagine the tribes of tan, lim, ang, and other surnames pitching tent in the padang around the tabernacle that the book of leviticus was talking about. either the ura will be there to clear out the "slums", or we will be booked by police for illegal mass gatherings.

we cannot worship in jail because the gahmen will keep us busy with courses to rehabilitate us into society ala "yellow ribbon" project.

3. because we do not have the levites to lead us in worship

we only have the tribe of lee in charge of singapore..

4. because the desert is not a conducive place to fix singapore's declining birth rates

40,000 israelites wandering in the desert for 40 years dwindled to 2 that saw the promised land. after nearly 10 years of pro-baby policies, singapore's birth rate is still falling. 30 years later...

5. because we will stone overpaid charity directors

for God's punishment for the really jialat cases of sin is to stone the person to death. with the outcry raised over a certain ceo of a certain kidney foundation, this poor bunch of people will probably be stoned by now.

6. because any public acts of worship is very leh-cheh

first we have to get a license from mda for public performance, then maybe find the police for broadcast of music, and...

it will cause ill-will amongst the other religious groups against us and might be deemed as "seditious".

and that, boys and girls, is why Jesus had to die for singapore.
it is not really done yet.. if anyone wants to contribute anything.. feel free to!

please read the disclaimer if you have anything against this post.

faith is...

2005-09-25T19:59:00.000+08:00

faith is the strength to believe in what you cannot see.

faith is the little thing that does great wonders.

faith is the expectation of the rainbow after the storm.

faith is the five letter word that moves mountains.

faith is the power to part vast seas.

faith is what allows you to walk on water.

faith is what gives you the wings to soar higher than eagles.

faith is knowing that He will catch you when you fall.

faith is essentially trust in Him.

singing of Your amazing love

2005-09-23T00:23:00.000+08:00

it felt like a breakthrough in my spiritual walk with God, and reaffirmed some things in my spirit, to have had performed at the evangelistic crossroads.

it was tough, since i have a high tendency to cry especially when the presence of God is in the place. but it feels good to know that my purpose for going up was not for my own glory, but to God's.

it was encouraging to know that we did well.

even though at this moment i don't know if what we did brought anybody to Christ, i take comfort in the fact that we played a part in planting a seed in pre-believers.

heartbreaks and stereotypes

2005-09-15T11:11:00.000+08:00

*disclaimer: this post serves only to reflect the author's points of view and was not written for any express purpose of converting or dismissing any person's views.

"I totally agree on your point (that no gods exists), there is definitely no God. If there is, he/she/it is drunk, to allow so many bad things to happen." - lynne commenting on a blog

initially i was tempted to make a comment in response to the several who staunchly believe that there is no God, but refrained from doing so simply because i will prolly come across as narrow minded and whiny (omg you dare say God does not exist? *bitchslaps whine pout pout pout* i hate you i hate you i hate you!) if it was not worded properly.

that is not the way i want non-believers to see me as a christian.

i have already stated my case on why God allows bad things to happen to this world. good things have come out of the recent tsunami, and katrina is still an on-going thing so we cannot really say for sure. all i can point people to when they ask the classic "if your God is so good, why did He allow this to happen?" is what joseph said to his brothers, (simply paraphrased) that whatever was meant for evil, God meant it for good.

"for My ways are higher than yours" and "lean not on thine understanding" and the likes. (pardon me. i'm not really good at biblical quotations)

anyway, that was the first point of this post, elaborated before and reiterated again.

i don't think many christians zealots read that person's blog because all the comments in that particular post came from presumably non-believers.

maybe, just maybe, i was tempted to write something along the lines that goes "God exists you frigging idiot!!! and how dare you say (insert something they said about God) about my God?! my God is da best!!!!@!#@!$%@ you freaks will burn in hell!!!"

smells of a zealot huh?

i guess that's how some people think of us. christians are crazy Jesusfreaks, period. not a very flattering label, is it?

i'm sure many do not have a good impression of us. i've heard of friends complaining about members of a certain church in jurong being super persistent and draggy towards non-believers. i was on the receiving end from one of their members once upon a time and it nearly costed me a friendship.

say "christian" and invoke fear because this person might just drag you to church, and maybe insist you get baptised immediately, anytime soon.

there will always be the black sheep in our midst who will, be it intentionally or accidentally, tarnish the name and reputation of the entire group. afterall, the bigger the group grows, the more flak it receives?

ironically, other major religions such as buddhism or islam does not have the same effect. maybe it's because they do not have the Great Commission?

personally, i disagree with the approach some christians take in evangelising. but this matter is really a case of "to each of his own". i'd rather take the easier way out by living a good Christian life and showing, by example, what God has done in me, for me. of course, i cannot avoid the traditional evangelism techniques.

i know God exists, because He has worked in my life and still is working. whoever said God is dead/drunk/non-existent, i can tell you from personal experience you are wrong.

whether you believe or not depends on whether you want to believe. if your heart is closed off to the possibility that Jesus is alive, even if i were to invite Jesus Himself to a dinner party to meet you, you would not acknowledge Him as the Christ.

and there's also that one about God's perfect timing but i shall not go into that.

i think the post is becoming incoherent as it is.

tagalicious

2005-09-15T02:42:00.000+08:00

List three random facts about yourself that your friends might not know. And then tag five other friends to do it.

and so i was ordered to by an inquisitive raymond. lol

1. the official story behind my name
for those who know my real real name (as in my birth cert spelling of my name marilyn) and never known why, here is the real story. it was merely a typo error by the clerk at the hospital that my parents did not correct. and so that name stuck with me through primary and secondary school. that was the time when i hated it most because everyone simply kept trying to make it sound like "meril living" or "meril veen" (looking back i felt like a pokemon. although they didn't exist in those times.)

now i just sit back and have a blast watching lecturers struggling to pronounce my name. the ones i will admire are those who are unfazed by the weird spelling and coolly breeze through it by calling me marilyn (if they figured it out) or by my markedly more normal sounding chinese name (when all else fails). hehe

this is kinda cheating i know cos i think quite a few of my friends would know this. haha. but who cares!!!

2. i share the same birthday with at least 4 other people i know
and i was once upon a time i was reaaallly upset because i really wanted to be special. and then i grew up and learnt that every 2 seconds a kid is born somewhere on this earth. means i technically have 30 (kids per minute) x 60 x 24 people with the same birthday as me. not so special anymore..

3. i once tried to eat a chicken magnet
ok so this is one of the more embarassing moments of my life but it was quite memorable. my neighbour offered me a magnet that looks like a chicken drumstick. i remembered one part of me was saying "don't eat it. it's fake!" but i went ahead and bit into it anyway. my mom and neighbour looked at me and promptly burst out into laughter and removed it from me. i must have been about 5 at that time.

beats me how i never noticed:
#1. my neighbour took the drumstick from the fridge door
#2. the chicken drumstick was flat at the back because it was a magnet
#3. the chicken drumstick was plastic

but wha-hey. i was young and foolish then.
now the deep dark secret thoughts and memories of lyn are out.

i am not tagging anyone cos all i know have already been tagged. whoever wants to do it just go ahead. do leave me a comment and i'll pop by to read it too. hehe. ;)

anyway tired out from schoolwork. =(

a tale of hate

2005-09-02T23:29:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder what people who don't like me are thinking, when they make it clear to me that i am not in their good books.

maybe something along the lines of:

"oh no! x does not like me. i think i better go and die and make this world a better place because x does not like me. boo hoo hoo my life is over!"

it was true that once upon a time, i used to let what others thought of me control my actions and behaviour. and then one day my form teacher pulled me aside with well-intentioned advice: "you cannot please them all. do not run after them for it is not worth the effort."

and now, as i focus more and more on Christ, i realise how much lesser is the value of what others thought of me. especially if the person has no obvious reason to hate you. because at the end of the day, it is God who judges your actions, not man.

recently i've received some anonymous hatemail and even a hate site, and i am not sure why. this is the part that torments because you do not know who you've offended and why or what you have done to get such flak.

this brings to mind the biblical mantra of turning the left cheek when someone slaps you on the right.

i strongly believe that hatred takes up too much energy which could be otherwise channeled into something constructive. that is the basic principle i live by, and the reason why i do not troll blogs i don't like, or bother leaving comments on blogs that are not worth my time.

if you don't like it, don't read it. go somewhere else.

unfortunately some people do not see things the same way. just take a look at the number of anti-xiaxue sites and hate comments on her blog and you'll be astounded at the number of people who no time for anything but hatred. and that is only on the micro level.

now comes the hard part. how do you act "in love" towards someone who doesn't like you? when i shared this with my fellow crusader, she responded in the affirmative, saying that "it is the hardest thing to forgive someone who does not like you."

"I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow."
- William Blake "A Poison Tree"

i am determined not for the seed of the poison tree to grow. the spiral of hatred and vengeance should end and could end with a gentle approach of forgiveness.

Lord, i pray for the spirit to understand and to forgive those who trespassed against me, just like how You forgave and even died for those who persecuted You on the cross.

the crusader speaketh

2005-08-27T12:49:00.000+08:00

this is an obligatory post to fulfill raymond's yell at me to "UPDATE!"

eventful week, it has been. i'm starting to settle in with the people at campus crusade and i really feel that this path is God directed.

likely road ahead is probably doing publicity for metamorphasis, the crusade camp. frankly i am a wee bit surprised because i have always been more of an adminstrative/behind the scenes kind of person than one who stands in the limelight.

crossroads, aka the campus crusade worship service, was good that night. i've learnt quite a lot from one thursday evening. but that i will leave to another post.

really tired. but kind of happy. =)

internet's latest restricted page

2005-08-17T20:58:00.000+08:00

someone tell me how this page got classified into the same category as porn pages? no this was not photoshopped.

ntu has a weird internet connection.

arguing with an atheist

2005-08-16T01:42:00.000+08:00

ok so that guy may not really be an atheist. (i did not ask.) but one thing i know is that he does not believe.

anyway i just realised the value of Scripture when people question about God and His existence, His reasons for doing things the way they did.

this will be a short post of the more memorable parts of the chat, because i've gotta rush off to sleep.

for once, i found myself challenged to explain my faith without christina (who usually does the talking) around. i was asked to explain, among half a zillion arugments and questions of God's apparent shortcomings, why God does not die, why God allows atrocities such as murder to take place, why Jesus condemned the Pharisees and why (the guy i was chatting with) was not allowed to condemn preachers as "crooks".

each and every point was rebutted with contextual knowledge of the Bible as well as God's word. we may not fully be able explain the reasons behind all of God's actions but God does not leave us overly stranded in the face of a question firing squad.

this debate refreshed my spirits and my faith in God. that living life, to quote mr. atheist, "misled" is better than living life without Christ. that i can actually stand up for Christ, and do my bit to magnify His wonderful name.

it also made me realise the importance of having an adequate grasp of the Word... and not to say a trying test of my patience when that guy starts flaming you. (cue to shake head)

that said, i think i'd better quickly finish up my readings and go to sleep.
God bless!

p/s: raymond, i hope this satisfies your request for a decent post. =p

the sex lives of snails and life

2005-08-14T17:02:00.000+08:00

have i ever told you that i love the theatre? much much more than my how-many-inches-super-expensive plasma television.

i love the stage and how it allowed for expression and thought-worthy themes to be brought across only by acting and props. no digital enhancements, no ngs, just pure talent and effort.

to date, however, i have only stepped into a theatre less than 10 times.

brings me to think about my existence.

19 years going on 20 and the average number of times i been to a play is once in maybe 4-5 years. you would think that for someone who loves the arts, she would take a wee bit more effort to support it or to be part of it.

there were so many things i've promised myself and God that i would do. like how after my o levels, i told God i'll return to church. but i really returned only 3 months after my a levels.

like how i told myself i would get my writing projects done, blog more, design a few more pieces of jewellery to sell, call up long lost friends, go for more plays.. some took ages to materialise, some cases never at all.

procrastination sure sucks. the only reason why it survives is because we always take for granted that tomorrow will always be there.

i nearly pushed this post to tomorrow but decided against it for fear i might lose track of what i was thinking about. i always do. then i'll regret.

19 years going on 20 and i feel i've accomplished very little.

i feel i should do more.

but that is a problem that i'll handle tomorrow.

btw just wondering... does anyone know how snails reproduce? i refer to the title of my post.

the day i found love once again

2005-08-08T22:21:00.000+08:00

i believe i was witness to possibly one of the most beautiful things one could see in her christian walk - the view of nearly 11,000 like minded individuals coming together to worship Jesus. even better was seeing nearly 500 odd pre-believers coming to the front of the stage with the desire to accept Christ as Lord and Saviour.

these images gave me a joy so pure, so overwhelming. i do not think anything could happen to recreate a feeling that would come close.

i took some pictures with my camera phone (because silly me left my camera in hostel) but found that i was unable to upload it. (anyone knows if photos from a samsung x640c can be uploaded onto the computer?)

FOP was a fantastic experience, and a festival of hope for me.
on another note, darlene zschech is a really good singer.

"i believe, Lord, you have the power to break these chains of bondage. i believe, Lord, that You will set me free. i want to be free, Lord Jesus. i want to fly with You. i want to magnify Your name, and Yours alone..."

soundbite from FOP
"don't worry. everybody will get to see Jesus!" - some guy commenting sarcastically at the kiasu crowd trying to push into the indoor stadium.

postnote: photo courtesy of mr brown

a little update

2005-07-31T21:17:00.000+08:00

a little less our daily bread-ish, a little more of me. i'm not trying to be narcissistic but i think my preaching is boring people.

and so i more or less think i am settled down in my new school, new life and new groups of friends. i have yet to really get started on work but the prospects of doing so is daunting yet exciting at the same time. 12 years of spoonfed education and now i'm thrown out into the open to fend for myself, i foresee massive culture shock.

anyway...

i find it ironic that most of my readers are christians, when i had hoped that it would reach out to non-believers. do not get me wrong people, i love my readers, and am thankful for their comments. but i really wish that i am able to make a difference in at least somebody's life.

i finally went for oikos (cell group) last friday, and i shared with them my disillusion at being surrounded by unbelievers and my inability to share Christ with them. i am thankful that i did because i was encouraged by their reminder that we can bring Christ to pre-believers by setting a good example as a christian.

i have also learnt that preconceived notions and established impressions are hard to shake. more about this in another post maybe.

whatever the case, this is a race (or rather, marathon) i have chosen to run, and i will run until i see His face.

chapter new

2005-07-23T09:44:00.000+08:00

i've been busy lately trying to move into hostel, a quaint little place facing the foresty area on the edge of campus. the prospects of university life is exciting but scary at the same time.

till next time.. =)

out of the (nkf sheltered) well

2005-07-12T20:41:00.000+08:00

methinks it's about time i did a little commentary on the real world out there again. yes it's "the secular issue" again.

but before that, i really must thank God for answering my prayer for pastor tay's word on sunday was one of great comfort and encouragement in the aspect of evangelism. many thanks to my fellow brothers in Christ who offered words of encouragement. =)

anyway i simply have to comment on this juicy one:
the big secret about nkf is out.

when i heard about it, i was valiantly trying to suppress the urge to yell "I TOLD YOU SO!"

i've always been skeptical about our good old national kidney foundation. why is it that other charities could survive without having to mobilize at least 80% of the staff at mediacorp, while nkf (and maybe renci) is the only poor thing that regularly holds a gala fundraising (complete with luxury cars/condos/what have you not to offer)? just as i've always been against those people selling $5 coupons for imaginary orphans and handicapped elderly folks.

with all due respect, i know that those patients are a bunch of people really in need of help and i sympathize with their plight. i also understand that those medical fees can be a huge liability for some people and having community support for such people is great.

furthermore, aren't christians supposed to be charitible folks?
i'll leave my views about stereotypes for another post.

my view on charity is this:
if i want to do charity, i'll find my own way of helping and serving people. giving money to organizations who will probably pocket your money to buy first class air tickets is not my idea of doing charity.

what got me riled up is the irresponsible way a certain person of some authority tried to hide behind the protective arm of the law by threatening a lawsuit against a journalist who wrote something possibly defamatory and detrimental towards his public image. whether or not that person really used public donations for personal use, i would not comment.

the thing about singapore is if you've got power, you can pretty much do whatever you like in here (other than commit murder of course.. even then...)

if someone wrote or said something unflattering about you (read: a*star/acidflask, straits times/nkf), it is 99% untrue (because YOU said so!). when that happens, the other party has two options:

1. author/speaker would be subjected to the humiliation of having to do this public apology and shut down or cut off any access he has to publicize his views to prevent any more misleading articles that might confuse sheep.

2. author/speaker has to hire a lawyer and make those trips down to the subordinate courts. (in this day and time, this is no joke. public transport fares are rising faster than you can say "tibs!" and you need the cash to pay your lawyer's fees later.)

singapore is not corrupt. but it sure helps if you are somebody.
gives me another reason to detest this filthy world we live in.

it ain't easy to be me

2005-07-10T00:26:00.000+08:00

"many people come into christianity expecting easy solutions to difficult problems. but when i came into Christ, all hell broke loose!" - dr. kevin van de westhuizen

just returned from my sci freshman orientation camp in ntu. i set off with a prayer for God to give me an opportunity to "plant a seed", to share Christ with someone i just knew.

i came back and the only times i talked about Christ was to the christians in my group.

i'm not sure what happened but something tells me that God is trying to teach me a lesson in evangelism. i have always thought it would be easier to talk to people whom you're not really close to. i guess i was wrong. be it to loved ones or to new aquaintances, evangelism is tough work. nobody said it was easy.

i saw the target, i prayed. i tried to speak but nothing came forth.
i feel discouraged yet... encouraged?

i know i am not talking sense here. it's 00:39 in the morning for goodness sake!

maybe i'll talk more about my freshie camp in another post. i'm still zonked out from the entire week.

spirit - willing; flesh - weak

2005-07-01T21:12:00.000+08:00

and the saying goes: "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak"
almost cliched but you always hear this line in that apologetic tone, sometimes sheepish at the speaker's seeming inability to get something done.

today that phrase took on a whole new meaning for me.

i wanted to go for my first oikos (cell group) but hey whadaya know? a whole truckload of factors happily hindered me from going. what supremely irritated me was the fact that i was down with a bad headache and mild sore throat (plus a possible infection of my gums rendering me slightly speech impaired) and that at the time when i'm supposed to prepare to go out, i suddenly felt really sleepy.

the spirit was hyped up and ready to go. she had her best dress on, bag packed and shoes strapped on. she was smiling and jumping and eager to take off. but the flesh was still in that dingy old school tee and shorts, lying dead on the bed and praying real hard that the suffering will come to pass.

i say that phrase, but without apology.
i am not even sure what to feel now.

pastor tay's words kept echoing in my mind: "the spirit man must be stronger than the flesh! must fight against the inclinations of our earthly nature!"

ok so those were not his exact words but hey, the meaning remains the same.

i think i should be ashamed of myself.

a fat girl's prayer

2005-06-27T20:55:00.000+08:00

"I have carried you since you were born; I have taken care of you from your birth. Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of you." (Isaiah 46:3-4)

dear God,

i'm oh so tired of living. today i watched the telly and all i see are slim pretty girls flaunting their fat-free selves. every alternate advertisement is about weight loss programmes, or products which miraculously shed the pounds from one's flabby waist. why does it seem like happy people are always the thin people?

one is not spared when they go out either. everywhere around me i see posters of diet pills and slimming programs promising "results". and then you flip the newspapers to read about that girl who nearly died because of slim 10. (so what if it was quite some time ago? the danger is still there.)

i'm so miserable even around my loved ones. my friends all call me hippo. my boyfriend says i look like a bouncer. even my mother calls me "ah pui kia"*.

i know You want us to love ourselves, God. but it's hard to when the capitalist system insists that slim is "in". i get so disillusioned now that the only thing i like about myself is my shadow at 0700 and 1700 hours, when she is tall, slim and of a perfect complexion.

oh Lord, if You do not want to make me slim, at least make my friends fat...

Amen.

*****

* ah pui kia - hokkien for fat girl

disclaimer: this entry is purely fictional and does not, in any way, reflect the attitudes of the writer's boyfriend, friends and mother. also, the writer was writing in jest towards the end of her "prayer" (she loves her friends). no fats were harmed (yet) in the production of this entry.

tags!

2005-06-24T17:54:00.000+08:00

laughingcow made me feel loved. =)

So, what is the one spark in the midst of darkness? What is the one thing that made you smile today?

everyone lives life hoping to stand out of the crowd. you want to leave an impact on the world, have everyone talking about you even after you leave this world. think elvis presley.

even though i usually prefer to blend in and to go with the flow, something somewhere inside of me desires to achieve greater things. but such positivity is hard to attain when you're feeling depressed.

the spark came one good sunday when my pastor gave an altar call for full time ministry and i felt the push to go. and it was a pleasant surprise as my pastor and the invited speaker prayed.

i am not too sure what is to come but i know deep down in my heart the Lord has promised me that good and even great things are to come. and this spark in the darkness is something which will be pushing me on.

tag... hmm... i do not have many people to tag since i don't have many visitors. will just tag whoever i know visits: raymond, Zen|th... uhh...

and anyone else who wants to do this thing. lol.

dinnertime, everytime.

2005-06-21T12:26:00.000+08:00

"those christians, they think they have tea with God everyday or something. who are they to tell us where we are going after death?" - many unbelievers

just for clarification, i do not have tea with God everyday.

rather...

i join the Trinity for a ten course gourmet meal everyday.
anyone interested to join us is welcome.

closing time

2005-06-17T19:59:00.000+08:00

the structure of my posts on this blog is pretty much fixed. i comment on an issue and somehow link it to my religion.

this is not really one of them.

it is always my habit to write a post in official closure of a certain aspect of my life.

today marked the last day on the job: the last day for people to shout and verbally abuse me. the last day sitting at my place in fear that a cockroach will crawl over me while i try to do my work. the last day staring at that inane computer which is about as mad as the user herself.

and so, another chapter of the biography, marilyn's life (penned by the critically acclaimed author, Jehovah Ra-ah) closes.

it was a short chapter, but a truly memorable one. possibly for once, i lived in close proximity of a group of people and did not have to worry about bitching. there was no need for backstabbing, no need for politics. the only form of bitching you hear around the workplace is possibly against some ~~brainless morons~~ persistent people who managed to call through.

if there's one thing in life i dislike, it is goodbyes. it's a human feeling, i guess. we have always been resistant to change.

before the a levels, my lit teacher dedicated this song to us:
"closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

looking back fondly at a beginning's end, looking forward to the new beginning.

thank you, everyone, for braving through bitchy calls and hair-pulling experiences with me. you guys know who you are. =)

a day in church

2005-06-12T23:25:00.000+08:00

enough of those preaching posts that kind of reads like a pauline letter wannabe. just for today, i'm going back to the basics and am going to blog about this day. i know, nobody really cares what happened to you. but hey, as i said before, this blog serves also as a record of my christian journey. and let's not go into the free speech thing yeah?

church is always fantastic. it is the reason why sundays become one of my favourite days because you know that you're going to experience something new. you know that you're going to receive a fresh revelation from God and it is always exciting.

today in baptismal classes, it was "the practical" of the entire series of classes. being an observer this time watching elder pearleen pray for others to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit gave me new insights to my newfound faith.

faith. how apt a word it is to describe a religion. for isn't it by faith that you believe in the reality of a supreme being? we live by faith, and not by sight. we do not see God but we know He exists.

as a bystander this time, i saw how others struggled to receive the baptism of the Spirit and it made me realise that to receive this baptism in the first place, a great amount of faith is required. if you do not want to believe, you cannot possibly receive. i'm not saying that the people who were being prayed for did not have faith. it is just that if you want to receive gifts from the Holy Spirit, faith becomes an important ingredient in the release of these manifestations.

another thing is that when you try to step out to pray for others, to speak boldly in the Spirit, satan will try to stop you.

it was quite spooky. a little voice simply told me "you want to pray for them? you want to help them? do not be silly! you are not worthy!"

in such circumstances, there is only one thing to do: recognise the enemy and fight back.

i am a sinner. i was imperfect in God's eyes. but by God's grace through the blood of Jesus Christ i am made whole again. i am washed clean by the blood of the Lamb and by God's grace i am worthy to be called a child of God. in Jesus's name, banish the enemy.

true enough, peace was restored to my heart.

i realise i am rambling. but points to be made here:
to those who think the gifts of the Holy Spirit are not of God, or are of demonic origin, do not be silly. why would God give us something that is not of Him?
second point: spiritual gifts such as speaking in tongues and the ability to differentiate between spirits are powerful weapons against satan. you recognise the enemy and you hit where it hurts most.

rambling aside, i think this post shall remain as it is as a reminder that i had a great day at church. and this is coming from someone who used to sleep through her masses in novena.

worldly pains

2005-06-11T23:53:00.000+08:00

it's 7 minutes to midnight on a saturday. i have church and baptismal classes the next day but i cannot seem to get myself off the computer.

nothing really philosophical about this post today. i'm human and i need a place to vent.

i feel the weight of my own hypocrisy crushing me. i feel the drag of sin weighing me down. this should never be so. pastor tay always said "if the Son sets you free, you are free indeed." maybe i have not been seeking God as dilligently as i should. this feeling is definitely anything but liberty.

Lord give me strength to counter these negative feelings.

anyway i have lots of things to blog about.. but i'm not sure where to start. for one, i've finally enabled access to my profile and shamelessly put my photo up there. how's that for a first move in publicity for the blog?

lol i'm just kidding. better go off the bed before i fall asleep in tomorrow's sermon. =x

to speak to an operator, please press 0

2005-06-09T11:12:00.000+08:00

working as a call center operator with the ~~*undisclosed government board*~~ is fairly interesting. one thing, you get to talk to people of different ethnicity and nationalities. you get to hear about the problems of the people, and grouse with them about suffering in singapore because you are suffering too. best of all, you sometimes get guys trying to pick you up if you sound sweet enough on the phone (nevermind if you actually look like an elephant. talk about an ego boost.)

i shall zoom in to the second point.

one of the two common complaints i always get from the fortunate people who manage to call through to my line is "your line very hard to get through leh! don't put me on hold!". (the other being complaints on how unfair the system is.)

in the words of some of my callers, our hotline is really hot.

what can i say since we cater to about 3 million singaporeans? i was just wondering what would happen if God had a call center operating in the fluffy clouds of Heaven.

"Good morning. Welcome to Heaven's hotline.
For English, press 1.
For Hebrew, press 2.
For Greek, press 3.
For Latin, press 4.
For other types of languages, please press 0 and enter your fax number. The language code list (40 pages) will be faxed to you."

*press: 1

"Thank you for calling Heaven's hotline.
To return to the previous menu, press 8. To return to main menu, press 9.

For enquiries on how to be a good Christian, press 1
For enquiries on the devil and sinning, press 2
For biblical assistance in times of trouble, press 3
To make requests for intercessory prayers, press 4
To check on your Christianity status, press 5
To speak with an archangel, press 6
To speak with an angel, press 7
To make an appointment or speak with the Holy Trinity, press 0
To end this call, press #"

*press 0

"Thank you for indicating your desire to commune with God. You are the 5864568248472182356th person in line. Your call is very important to us. Please hold."

"God is busy at the moment. Please leave a message after the tone and we will return your call shortly."

*beep*

"The mailbox you're trying to reach is full. Goodbye."

right.
well at least this is not reality in Heaven for we all have direct lines to God. thank God for prayers!

the one about the testimonial

2005-06-03T20:36:00.000+08:00

friendster

friendster, in its heyday, was an online lifestyle all by itself. if you're plugged onto the internet, you've gotta have a friendster account. the only people who don't are internet dinosaurs do not have e-mail, and those who are aggressively against the idea of following a fad.

what if Jesus was on friendster? i mean, the Jesus who died on the cross 2000 years ago, not some man pretending to be God. what would your testimonial be for Christ?

here's mine:

of course, my story is not that simple. nobody can experience Christ and expect to summarize the entire thing into a 100 word testimonial. but i think you should get what i'm trying to say here, no?

believing in a God you don't see

2005-05-31T22:13:00.000+08:00

"and so we get down on our knees, close our eyes and see what happens" - nicole ritchie

firstly, i would like to clarify that i never watch "the simple life" mainly because i do not fancy watching paris hilton drain my iq to naught. the above soundbite was from one of those endless trailers always aired on star world, which i nearly always watch.

the above line reminded me of what one of our prominent bloggers wrote of her experience in church. answering an altar call, she was the only one who "didn't feel anything", and scorned all those who apparently did.

i am not too sure what was the exact phrasing, but that was the feeling i got: scorn and the refusal to believe in what is beyond science and possibly human understanding.

abovementioned blogger, in another ground-breaking post on the first day of 2005, dissed christians for having blind faith in God.

blind faith. well the literal meaning is true. we cannot see God, so in a sense our faith is blind because we cannot see. but 2 Corinthians 5:7 says that "we live by faith, not by sight" and John 20:29 says "blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed".

it goes against human logic to say that something we have yet to see exists. that is the principle behind the atheist argument - "there is no proof that God exists, so He does not exist."

yet by faith we know of His existence. we know that somewhere in jerusalem, sometime 2000 years ago, this guy named Jesus died for us because He loved us. it is by faith that we believe.

it is saddening that there are people like nicole who mock this faith, superficially classifying it as a mindless intoxication of some kind. like in Acts 2:13, people made fun of the apostles when they were filled with the Holy Spirit because they did not understand.

faith does not require superhuman iq or a high psle grade. faith is more like the courage to believe in what is yet to come.

-----

anyway i have some ideas for upcoming posts but am still working on them. anyone care to provide their views on the debates surrounding singlish and the bus fare hikes? hehe.

blogging for the right reasons?

2005-05-25T19:52:00.000+08:00

somehow a few blogs got me thinking. the credit goes to a few blogs i've been reading lately for the inspiration for this post...

... which will be rather secular in nature.

i remember a time when i used to blog about what happened in school. i remember a time when i used to blog about the petty things i had to say about my enemies and the little incoherent musings i derived from my myopic points of view.

i remember i started my first venture in blogging when i was secondary three. before that, i kept everything in volumes and volumes of diaries that now lie rotting in my cupboard.

i was childish then. i did not realise what a powerful tool blogging would have become, i did not realise that i could have done something more.

that's the way most blogs are headed now. most of them give a minute by minute account of that really fun day at sentosa, or just a blow-by-blow narrative of their significant others. such writing usually betrays a narrow point of view to life as well as immaturity in the idealistic author who whores for comments and visitors. unfortunately (or rather, luckily) in the vast world of the internet, these types of blogs would never ever stand out. face it, nobody wants to read too much about what your dog ate for breakfast.

some blogs are just plain bitchy and/or bimbotic, whoring pictures of the usually very fetching female owners. a picture paints a thousand words and a pretty photoshopped photo beats a million words hands (or face?) down anytime. amongst the many pretty females out there, xiaxue and sillycelly certainly stand out on my list of hatable but popular pretty females (hppf). want their urls? go google them.

the blogs that earned my respect are those with thoughtful insights and/or credible bitching (such as ms. beautifuk or the now m.i.a calm one). it's one thing to rant and rave mindlessly about a certain cab snatcher or an insensitive insult. it is another when you throw wit/sarcasm into the equation to cut the offender down to atom sized shreds.

me?

7km/h is basically my blog for evangelism. a blog wherein i harness the power of a blog to fulfill one of my christian duties to witness for Christ. of course, there are other reasons for this blog as well, reasons that are reflected in the readme for the blog..

anyway, back to the previous point, blogging for Christ: call it taking the lazy way out. i'm not that great at talking about religion to strangers.

just for laughs...

2005-05-22T21:33:00.000+08:00

on mothers' day, our pastor gave us the old jewish proverb, which goes, "God could not be everywhere, so He made mothers." one week later, he received an sms from someone who disagreed. "Satan could not be everywhere, so he made mothers-in-law."

the christian's bed of roses.

2005-05-17T19:26:00.000+08:00

ever wondered why they say "life is not always a bed of roses"?

like, why must it be the thorny but beautiful flower that is linked with life? why not something sunny or sweet such as the sunflower or the daisy? and when we say that "life is not always a bed of roses", does that mean life is easier because you will not be lying on a bed of thorny flowers?

oh wait, i forgot that roses can be grown thornless now. but that is besides the point.

in being christian, does life become any rosier? my attention was brought to the fact that some people get the misconception that life as a christian is easier because God solves all our problems.

hit the buzzer someone. we are fighting delusion here.

being christian means life gets harder. but more meaningful. accepting this ~~religion~~ relationship means more obstacles that will be thrown your way because you are more spiritually in tune. that is when the rose thorns start to become prickly. the good christian is constantly under the demonic radar because satan is not happy about our salvation. it sure is lonely in hell.

fortunately, rose heads are bigger than the thorns. the same goes for Jesus, for He is bigger than those thorns we call the devil. while the thorns are a part of the rose, what we really focus on is the flower head itself. and the flower is what brings us the pleasure.

when we experience the relationship we have with Christ, everything else pales in comparison. because we know that the Lord will provide for and protect us. and just like a rose can be de-thorned, with God's help we will be able to remove the thorns in our beds of roses.

it is never easy to be christian. but the rewards that are promised at the end does justify the journey we take.

how it is to fall...

2005-05-09T18:44:00.000+08:00

the shaking grew increasingly violent. she was not sure whether she was shivering from the decreased room temperature or something else. she bowed her head in an attempt to medidate, hoping that nobody noticed.

she was barely able to move. her knees felt weak and she felt like she was on the verge of collapsing. but the shaking continued, only letting up for a few seconds before seizing control again.

an element of fear flitted across the girl's head. "what if..?" almost as fast as the thought entered her head, that moment came, almost like a dramatic cliche.

for He spoke to her: "do not be afraid, for i am your Lord."

peace flooded her heart as she felt the comforting presence of her Lord. in her spiritually elevated state, all she uttered was "i will stand on Your word and You shall give me strength."

finally it was her turn. almost naturally, she collapsed into the Lord's warm and loving embrace, cushioned by His servants.

when everything else cleared, the girl looked out the great glass windows. raindrops were rolling off the leaves of the tree and the sun was shining. it was a beautiful day.

miscellaneous-ity

2005-05-08T22:27:00.000+08:00

sometimes i just cannot help but feel amazed at what the Lord has done for me. me, a literal nobody, a blatant sinner and a bad christian.

i look back in my life, at the number of broken promises i made to God, at the number of times i grieved the Holy Spirit. after 18 years of wrongdoing, it's quite a wonder that my Father actually will bother to listen to me anymore. but He did.

just yesterday i prayed about two things. evangelism and healing.

talk about Heaven's express answering service! i got my answers today. and there was that altar call for healing, and a personal interaction with my Father, that totally refreshed my spirits and rejuvenated me. it is a wonderful feeling.

i know i suck at writing my personal testimony. i remembered when berton asked me about it, all coaching about evangelism flew out of the window cos i was so excited about sharing. blah.

please be patient. God is not done with me yet. =p

anyway, on a totally different note, i really want to learn how to play the guitar. nobody believed me when i mentioned it 6 years ago... =(

the one when God took a holiday...

2005-05-05T22:12:00.000+08:00

heard about bruce nolan? the antognistic guy accused God of not doing His job, the angry (but funny) dude who complained too much and simply did not believe?

only when God got a little fed up and exchanged jobs with bruce does he realise how hard it is for God to run the world.

ahh hollywood always loves to look at life through the other end of the telescope.

it took quite a while and a whole lot of grief and chaos before bruce breaks. and when he finally does, he puts God in control and accepts His will. (ironically he does it in the middle of a highway and got knocked down. but that is besides the point.)

i wonder how many people will need to go through such an unbelievable experience before they can put God in the center of their lives.

however, it is only in hollywood that God is able to take a break and leave one of us mortals in charge. besides, i don't think God wants to take a break. does that mean there is no other way?

watching that movie just made me think about how much faith is required to bring a person close to our Father.

disillusion

2005-05-02T20:02:00.000+08:00

i hate the world i am living in right now.

nobody really knows how to be nice to other people and everyone (including me) simply lives for themselves. we never bother to say our "please" and "thank yous" anymore.

we live in a "me-first" society. we push forward in train stations, we hog the space near the lift doors, we rush because we fear losing out. our lives are centered around "me" and not "you". as long as my purposes are accomplished, who cares what you do?

i am super disgusted because of an overdose of such selfishness.

not that i am in any place to judge because i am guilty of selfish acts sometimes.

i am just disgusted with the world i'm living in.

incoherence.

i am but the normal girl.

2005-04-28T10:36:00.000+08:00

just in case anyone stumbles across this site and is contemplating whether to group me together with christian zealots, i just would like to say i do have a life. it revolves around my religion, work, relationships and...

SHOPPING!!!

that's right. i am a normal girl. =)

anyway, just showing off my latest shopping conquest...

♥!

ironic that i should be showing off something that is related to my religion when i profess that my life is more than religion.

it is true, my life comprises of elements other than religion. but it does not mean that Christ is not in the center of my life. it is possible to live a life defined as normal by society's standards and yet put Christ in the center.

blogging woes and whining...

2005-04-28T08:07:00.000+08:00

i was just reading a friend's friend's girlfriend's blog. (check out that friendster link!) and i noticed she said she hopes to attain 5000 readers in the future.

future xiaxue to be? hmm.. shall not judge. =)

much as i hope to have this blog packed with comments, i shall not be overly ambitious. knowing the nature of my blog. let's set the aim for... 10 readers first!

"oh that you would bless me and enlarge my territory" (1 Chronicles 4:10)

frivolous things aside, let's talk about praise.

the past few weeks were worry laden weeks for me. personal as well as minor financial problems plagued me to no end and i could almost never focus on worship and my private devotionals. i used to whine about it - "God, why is this happening to me??? is not my life hard enough?"

everyone has been through this. if our God is so good, why is He allowing bad things to happen to His children? why do we continue praising a God who does not seem to care about His people?

you know what, it is precisely because He is good that He allows some boulders to be put into our paths. for that, "we rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." (Romans 5:3-4)

like a butterfly struggling to emerge from its cocoon, the man who took pity on the butterfly and cut open its cocoon ruined it as it now does not have the strength to fly. likewise, God understands that we need these sufferings to grow stronger and mature. this is what life is about.

if our life were really a bed of (thornless) roses, we would never experience God's goodness as we do not know the meaning of evil. we would forever be cocooned in our comfortable silk wrap, weak but overprotected, blissfully unaware of the big bad world we live in.

my friend was once posted this question: "would you still love God if He does something bad towards you?"

my answer will be an immediate yes.

i sense raised eyebrows. i sense people would think i'm being really silly.

in the light of how suffering eventually produces hope, i'll say yes, i'll love Him all the more when He places boulders in my path. because i know He has plans for me and it will be good (refer Luke 11:10-13). when i face difficulties, i know He will be there to help me (refer 1 Corinthians 10:13)

in adversity, i shall praise Him for giving me the opportunity to grow. in good times, i shall praise Him for His greatness and His love.

let everything that has breath praise the Lord forever!

urh.. erm..

2005-04-24T19:35:00.000+08:00

i wanted to write something about xiaxue's newfound religion.

disgusted as i was, i found that i was unable to. i shall not judge.

i had other things in mind but i am kinda traumatised by xiaxue. God help me.

because you're of this world...

2005-04-22T21:11:00.000+08:00

everyone should live in advertisement land.

in the wonderful land of advertisements, the people are gorgeous and happy. there are no such things as fat people, ugly people or pimples. the sun shines all day long and a frown is almost unheard of. because in advertland, there are solutions to every little problem. if you are fat, ugly or have chronic acne problems, there always is someone or some miracle cure for your woes.

in advertland, the food always looks good and appetizing. best of all, they are all supposedly cheap and fantastic and possibly of gourmet quality. you get plenty of opportunities to win cars, luxury condominiums, mp3 players and several other things that would have burnt a hole in your pocket in real life.

you are promised a comfortable future with lucrative investment and savings plans, together with the gurantee of half a zillion material objects to entertain you. you can travel the world at a cost it takes to maintain an ant, and have the best things in life.

live the material life. get your material satisfaction. come to advertland and be happy!

p/s: religion is not included. (for God and His children are not of this world.)

acting in love

2005-04-19T18:44:00.000+08:00

there is something weird in her mannerisms. something about the way she walks, the way she talks and even the way she looks at you. it gives you the vibes that she is not like us. she wore a tee shirt with the "society for the physically disabled" crest.

she quietly observes the commuters and murmurs the names of the next station in her discordant voice. the commuters around her stared fixatedly in another direction.

she spots an empty seat. but it was quite a crowded train and somebody quickly got to it instead. you can sense the mix of disappointment and resignation in her response "aiyah!". nobody else on the train stirred.

her movements were obviously impaired and so was her speech. all she wanted during that train ride was a seat.

observing this woman from a distance of about 2 meters away, i cannot help but feel indignant about the way singaporeans treat the needy. we can give cash away by the bundles to charities that might well be bogus, but nobody bothers to give up a seat to someone obviously more in need.

how many times have we seen healthy men and women have sudden attacks of narcolepsy whenever a pregnant woman boards the train? how many times have we seen cases when the advertisements plastered around suddenly become a fascinating read when the elderly old man hobbles onto the bus?

*sings* what the world needs now is love sweet love... it's the only thing that there's just too little of...

you're christian = you cannot blog properly

2005-04-17T22:36:00.000+08:00

i remember that once i was talking to raymond about blogging. we came to a conclusion that all the popular blogs (i.e, xiaxue, ms. beautifuk, mr. brown, etc...) none of them are christians. or at least they do not openly declare their religious inclination. it nearly seems that christians cannot write.

my retort? "why? just because you're christian it means you cannot write properly?"

just today my friend (also a prominent blogger) mentioned to me that he wants to set up a blog for "christian stuff". but he wisely observed that "nobody would read a christian blog."

and thus the really saddening realisation that my blog will never be as big as xiaxue or ms. beautifuk dawned upon me.

is it because i'm not as sarcastic as ms. beautifuk? is it because i do not have great photoshopping skills like ms. wendy cheng? dear oh dear.. maybe i'm in denial or something but i'm more inclined to think that it is because of the nature of my blog.

i'll not be ashamed to be christian. and i'll not be ashamed to talk about the Lord Jesus Christ and what He has done in my life. but if i want hits, a christian blog is definitely not the way.

because of two main factors - content and readership:

1. face it. controversy and gossip draws readership. bitching and sarcasm entertains the idle internet surfer with nothing better to do. we love to pick on those hopeless blogs wItH sTickYy cApPz and what not, laugh at their stupidity. personally i do not want to slam anyone unnecessarily - we are not acting in love. for Jesus has said "you shall love one another, and by this the world would recognise you as my disciples". if i do not act in love, i'd rather keep my religion a secret.

2. and so this brings me to my second point: people might think we're too goody goody on our blogs. marilyn says she will not bitch about people. oh come on and get off that moral high horse. you're human. do not tell me that you never grumbled about that irritating idiot who got in your way? but that's exactly what being christian is about - to act in love even in the face of unlovable people (which is really tough).

3. some people might have had bad experiences with christians - be it those arm twister evangelists talking your ear off or people who give christianity a bad name. and thus, the entire unfortunate group becomes blacklisted and labelled as the "group which you should stay at least 10 meters away from".

4. living in a multi racial society wherein the only reason why we live in harmony is mainly due to tolerance and not understanding, it's really hard for a reader of a different faith to accept such content. and religion being a sensitive issue, it is always easier (and safer) to do political or social commentaries.

this is just from my personal point of view.

anyway i've got quite a lot of material that got me thinking. more blog entries coming up soon. will just give this entry a few days to settle in.

till next time, God bless.

the sinful dyeath.

2005-04-16T18:57:00.000+08:00

i have heard that it is sinful for christians to read harry potter, do body piercing and dye their hair.

uhh.. dang. i'm damned to hell if that is so.

harry potter: check. read all 6 books and waiting for the 7th.
body piercing: check. pierced my ears last year.

maybe i will be saved if i kept my natural hair colour. but...

i just highlighted my hair...

=(

talk about extreme legalism. *sighs*

there is something about christians...

2005-04-04T16:30:00.000+08:00

let's do a headcount, shall we?

she wrote about it. she also wrote about it.
i think somewhere in the vast blogosphere a couple of guys also wrote about it. or at least something about the topic. heck, even i wrote about this before.

oh tssk. religion has always been a touchy issue.

it's always the christians. it's always those bible thumpers who approach you with that oh so dreaded but familiar line "would you like to know more about Jesus?" it's always the christians who are crazily trying to shove 3 million bibles down the poor non believer's throat, preaching in the name of "good intentions and love". you'll never get a muslim preaching the koran or the buddhist asking you if you know buddha. it. is. always. those. insufferable. christians. sheesh.

and so the prophecy is kinda coming true, isn't it?

"but before all this, they will lay hands on you and persecute you. they will deliver you to synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors, and all on account of my name. this will result in your being witnesses to them." luke 21:12-13, backed up by matthew 24:9.

of course, we do not get thrown into prisons and etcera. but face it, nobody really enjoys being told to their faces that they will go to hell because they do not believe in this guy we call Jesus Christ. nobody really likes sitting through a lecture on biblical history and christian morals when all they really want to do is go home and watch tv.

i've been through this before, and it is an experience that i do not wish to inflict on anyone. i used to feel insulted by people who come up to me to preach the Word, and (maybe) unwittingly conveying the impression that because i do not believe, i am on my way to hell. joy.

what made it worse was when i told them i was catholic, they conveniently forget that i already believe and continue to give me a zillion reasons why Christ exists and why He is "the Way, the Truth and the Light".

makes you want to tear your hair out and scream "i know all that already! shut up!"

nobody really is at fault here. but all these frustration could have been minimised if both sides really understood what is going on.

some non-believers say they understand that we believe salvation is through Christ, and it was out of love that we preach the Word to them. oftentimes it is accompanied by sarcasm and cynicism.

they might not truly understand our intentions. i was like that once, and i certainly did not understand why i am constantly a target for arm-twisting christians who are convinced i'm damned to hell. what i did not understand is the great commission Jesus gave to His disciples: to go out and save the non-believers. (see matthew 28:19)

but in my opinion preaching should be done with tact and consideration for the other party's feelings. forcing the gospel on someone who is barely aqquainted with the text and insinuating that they will go to hell unless they know what we do, especially on the first few meetings, is a wee bit too much. it was already quite bad when a friend of 8 years tried to do it to me, needless to say if a virtual stranger tries to do so.

it takes two to tango. and if one is unwilling or overpowering, there isn't any point in dancing anymore, is there? besides, all things will happen in God's good time.

characters in horror movies are not christians.

2005-03-31T20:22:00.000+08:00

the typical thing. you do something wrong, you get spooked, you run around in fear and then you either die of fright/supernatural reasons or you live the rest of your life scarred and traumatised. either that or you are constantine. (keanu reeves!!!)

at least that is what i think about horror movies. i never ever watch them because i'll end up giving someone panda eyes from sleep deprivation.

i can only come to one conclusion after going through the spiritual warfare sermons with pastor tay: characters in horror movies are not christians. because in those biblical times, Jesus drove out many demons and spirits. and He promised us and gave us authority to use His name to do the same. as such, in His name, demons and evil spirits will have to leave once we call upon the name of Jesus.

with one of the most powerful names that ever existed on our side, one should never have to feel spooked or fear.

which is why i say, characters in horror movies are not christians.

just a thought. not even sure if i'm talking sense. hehe.

random thoughts (i)

2005-03-26T21:25:00.000+08:00

i was browsing through my comments and i nearly fainted when i saw that one of my favourite bloggers actually commented on my post. wow.

anyway, nothing much today. just thought will leave anyone reading this blog with a quirky thought of the day. well, it's as quirky as i could make it.

chris was talking about how adam and eve ate from the tree of knowledge in the garden of eden.

according to genesis 3:7, ""the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realised that they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves."

no wonder we are the only creatures on earth that wear clothes.

that quote excludes ridiculously dressed poodles and circus animals.

good good friday...

2005-03-25T21:35:00.001+08:00

it's good friday and annunciation day. but i did not feel good, neither was i happy when i watched the news.

in fact, i was shocked by the images of people crucifying themselves in the likeness to Christ as "penance". somewhere in this planet, believers are whipping their backs red, dragging the cubersome cross and nailing themselves in the likeness of crucificion to commemorate good friday.

"what's wrong?" you ask. "it's penance for their sins!"

penance? ouch.

Christ has done it and His blood alone is enough. because of His sacrifice we are spared of such pain. someone point out to me where exactly in the bible did it say that penance for our sins requires us to crucify ourselves again?

the only requirement for our salvation is through faith, and not through acts. by multilating their bodies (even though it was supposedly for a holy cause) how exactly are these people pleasing God?

i'm not saying this is wrong. but it does not mean i cannot feel repulsed at such drastic actions. and definitely, i do not understand why they had to do it.

anti-atheist argument

2005-03-25T21:35:00.000+08:00

how do you prove God's existence? by the Bible?

but... but... the Bible is proven to be unreliable because calm one has pointed out in john 5:7-8, a footnote says 'not found in any Greek manuscript before the sixteenth century'. so, the Bible has been edited. it's not reliable anymore.

=(

there's the interesting argument which divides the christians from the non-believers: if God exists, prove it. when christians whip out all ways and means to try convince others that the Lord is the true God, non-believers will sneer and say: "if your God is that great, why did He allow that tsunami to happen?"

to this question, i'll just refer them to job 2:10, wherein it was said "shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

humans have funny quirks. they love to remember the bad things that they are dealt with. nobody really bothers with the good things that happen anymore. the same goes with non-believers when you talk to them about the goodness of God. they would never ever realise the subtle miracles and blessings God showers on us until they experience the grace of God. for these people, they need major signs from God. who knows, maybe they will need God to tap them on their shoulders and say "hi, I Am God." before they believe. (even then, some may rationalise and probe about it until their belief degenerates into disbelief.)

the thing about God is that He is not a flamboyant one. God does not believe in showing off His powers or parading around in His glory. various biblical examples show this point:

1. when Jesus performed His many miracles, He told the people to keep quiet about it. in matthew chapter 8, He cured the man with leprosy and said "see that you don't tell anyone. but go, show yourself to the priest and offer the gift Moses commanded, as a testimony to them." when Jesus healed the blind and the mute, He told them "see, that no one knows about this" (matthew 9:30).

2. Jesus set the example of how a christian should be like when He declared the Pharisees as "hypocrites". (the Pharisees are highly flamboyant in their religious practices, doing great works for show) Jesus Himself said "do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach" (matthew 23:3) despite the fact that they were one of the most religious groups of their time. for "your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you" (matthew 6:3)

God is not obliged to prove His existence to us. He could have easily let us burn in hell for our disobedience and lack of faith. God was not obliged to send His Son to die on the cross for people who He knows will not believe in Him. i know this because of faith, the knowledge that Jesus died for us. it's not a blind faith, it is a faith based on instinct - an instinct that knows our Saviour. through this faith, God is real, Heaven is real.

non-believers may read this entry and snort in disbelief. "this girl is talking nonsense! she is just another bible-thumping evangelist wannabe."

to those who do not believe, i say: i'm sorry you do not believe. and i shall not try to change your train of thought because you obviously have not experienced God's grace yet.

but i'll pray and hope... and live in faith.

a walk to remember

2005-03-25T21:26:00.000+08:00

i'm not much of an evangelist. i'm not one who goes out to friends and tell them my story, much less strangers. i used to get creeped out by extreme christians driven by newfound zeal, arm-twisting you into church, and so i swore i'll not let myself loose like that and scare people off. but.. the question was: how was i to fulfill my duty as a witness of Christ? the answer came quite naturally: blogging.

this blog is a creation as proof of my testimony.

viewing things from a Christian or a Christ like perspective changes a lot of things - most important of which is your attitude and your behaviour. you start living life in a different light.

this is a journal of a christian just born into her faith.

7km/h

2005-03-24T20:37:00.000+08:00

i set up this blog mainly as an outlet to share my journey. even if nobody reads this, it serves as a journal to record the amazing route i'm taking now in developing my relationship with Christ. i have no specific rationale for the name, just picked a number with a special biblical significance (seven is for perfection) and coupled it with speed - some idea i had to do with regards to a slow walk with God... because in this life, you'll miss out on the good things if you rush everything.

this blog is purely from my point of view - myopic or otherwise. i do not seek to impose my faith upon anyone, and neither do i expect anyone to impose their views on me. if you've got any issue to raise, i request that you show some respect by raising it in a sensible fashion in the comments box.

that said, thanks for visiting. i hope the stories shared here will bless you in one way or another.

God bless!

for life's just-in-cases

2005-03-24T00:40:00.000+08:00

i never had any respect for trolls, or people who argue for the sake of making noise. i just thought i'll pen it down here because this blog is literally sacred ground to me, any offensive remarks will not be shown any mercy.

before anyone starts saying how i'm one of those rigid christians who cannot take criticisms about her precious Jesus, here's a definition:

offensive remarks - senseless remarks about my religion without any logical and/or proper argument to back said senseless remark. "because i say so" does not count as an argument.

if you want to debate christianity with me, i'll be more than happy to take you up on the challenge. i love debates, especially when it is on a topic i'm passionate about. who knows, we might stand to gain from our little discussion. =)

but if you're here just to mock my beliefs just because you read some trash like the da vinci code, don't waste your time because i will also be more than happy to fire right back at you. don't insult me with your shallowness. come back when you have a valid point to make.

this is my blog, so i reserve all rights to all content posted here.

for the record, i haven't had any trolls on this blog yet. this blog is quite low profile and all who visited before are really nice people (big waves to all!). my previous experience with trolls on my other blogs is what prompted me to write this. my relationship with Christ is too sensitive a topic for me to take the risk of this blog having resident trolls.

i'm here simply to write, but i'll fight for my faith if i have to.

now that this has been all cleared up, peace! =)

g'nite all.